Tom
by Sivillian
Summary: Out of all the perfectly ridiculous cats in the world, only a pawful are actually tomcats. Why is this? No cat knows. Join this Gary-Stu in his journey to fulfill his destiny and put his prophecy to a peaceful rest. Rated T for many reasons. This is his trollfic. Join him. COMPLETED.
1. The Prophecy

**Chapter One of a very, very Gary-stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

The five starry cats stared into the misty pool. A blue-gray she-cat looked into its depths. Flashes of dark images swirled in the water's pool. She looked up at the other warriors. "I have seen a prophecy."

"As have I." A bracken-colored tom nodded, his green eyes darting up and then back down to the calm pool.

"Yes, I see it, too." A massive white tom with huge jet-black paws meowed in a gruff voice.

"There is no mistaking it." A stony gray tom with brown flecks agreed.

The last cat, a small silver-gray tabby with soft white underfur and deep green eyes, looked at each cat in turn. "I... I see it, too, and it may change the Clans forever."

More and more cats padded into the hollow. They came to hear the prophecy.

"Well, Bluestar, would you like to do the honors?" The former WindClan medicine cat meowed impatiently.

The blue-gray leader sat up straight, flicking her blue eyes at each cat. With one more glance at the scene appearing in the pool, she spoke clearly, her voice ringing through the hollow. "A tom of golden fur and bright glowing eyes will bring the Clans together and clean the forest of its scars."

"You should pass this on to Firestar. He will need to hear of this." One of the star-pelted cats suggested.

"Yes, of course." Bluestar padded out of the stony hollow, leaving the other four cats by the pool.


	2. Handsomekit is Born!

**Chapter Two of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

"He's beautiful." A dark brown tabby said, eyeing his son, feeling jealous of his handsome pelt.

"He's handsome." The dark ginger queen purred, licking her new kit clean.

They laid down by the newborn tom in the nursery, admiring his golden pelt and blue paws and ear-tips. The other queens and kits gathered around trying catch a glimpse of the young tom. They couldn't stay away from him.

"What shall we name him?" The father asked, sniffing his son.

The ginger queen was purring, staring at her son, not even listening to her mate. "Hmmm... Oh! Wha? How about Handsomekit?"

"That's perfect!" A white-and-ginger she-cat with one eye yowled excitedly.

"He's so handsome..." A she-kit sighed.

"I wish I could be him!" Another tom wailed.

Suddenly, the flame-colored ThunderClan leader stepped into the nursery. "Brambleclaw, I must speak to you." He beckoned his deputy with his tail.

Brambleclaw silenced a hiss and padded out of the bramble den. He and his leader climbed up to the Highledge where they could speak privately.

"I recieved a prophecy about Handsomekit, your son." The ginger tom whispered, green eyes dark.

The deputy held in a gasp. Why didn't he get another prophecy? "Well, what is it, Firestar?"

Firestar leaned into Brambleclaw's ear. "A tom of golden fur and bright glowing eyes will bring the Clans together and clean the forest of its scars."

"It's obviously about him." The dark brown tabby nodded in thought. "But what does it mean?"

"I'm not sure. I recieved it in a dream last night. Bluestar delivered it."

"Firestar!" A ginger warrior yowled, getting his attention. "Come down here!"

Brambleclaw scurried off back to the nursery. Firestar leapt down to his mate. "What is it?"

"I'm... I'm pregnant!" She mewed happily, leafy green eyes glittering.

"That's great, Sandstorm!" He licked her forehead.

But she suddenly began to cry, tears dripping like a river. Firestar glanced around. None of the other cats saw. He led her up into his den and helped her into his nest.

"Are you okay?" Firestar asked, hoping it was just that mood-swing thing like when she was carrying Leafpool and Squirrelflight.

"Yes, it's just... they're not yours." Sandstorm admitted, unable to look him in the eye. She trembled and took on to another fit of sobs.

Firestar shook his head. Dustpelt had finally stolen her. He knew this would come. He should have exiled that tabby long ago.

"No, not Dustpelt," the ginger whimpered through cries, like reading his mind. "The father is Handsomekit."


	3. Ferncloud has More Kits

**Chapter Three of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

"Come on, Lilykit!" The golden-and-blue tom meowed.

He led the other kits out of the nursery. Though he was only a half-moon old, they respected him and did everything he told them to. Lilykit stumbled out after him. Handsomekit had planned to only take Lilykit out to play, but the other kits and the queens followed him as well.

As he came out of the den, the sun hit his pelt casting a shiny sheen. It reflected and scattered bright spots on the earth, like when light hits something shiny just right. His cyan eyes were glowing like the sun itself in the broad light of day.

All of the ThunderClan cats poured out of their dens and returned from patrols. They stared wide-eyed and hypnotized.

"He's so handsome..." Whitewing sighed, leaning against Birchfall.

"He isn't that good looking I bet." Jayfeather meowed bitterly, glaring at the tom with his blind eyes.

"I wish he was _my _mate!" Dovewing wailed.

"I bet he's stronger than Lionblaze." Cinderheart whispered dreamily.

Handsomekit puffed out his chest. He loved the attention of his Clanmates. He strutted across camp, casting a glance at Firestar. The ginger tom bent his head down in respect as the kit passed by.

"Hello, Sandstorm." Handsomekit meowed, padding up to the light ginger.

"H-hello, Handsomekit!" She stuttered, nuzzling his cheek.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, feeling the stares of his jealous Clanmates on his pelt with happiness. "How are our kits?"

"They're good! They're fine. I'm fine. I'm... I'm great with you as my mate."

"Yeah, you're lucky." The golden-blue tom flicked his tail.

He turned away from Sandstorm and went back to the nursery. He needed his beauty rest. Squirrelflight helped him into the soft feathery nest.

"Oh, my son." She mewed. "I'm so proud I'm your mother."

"Me too." He replied plainly, curling up in a ball. He watched his mother stare at him with his glowing cyan eyes.

"If Brambleclaw hadn't promised me to give him eternal love and in return I'd be deputy when Firestar croaks, I would hope you'd choose me as your mate instead of my mother."

"You talk too much." Handsomekit yawned.

He closed his eyes and snuggled into the nest. Finally, sleep washed over him. And then, suddenly, a she-cat burst into the nursery, breaking the walls with her huge belly. Bits of bramble flew and hit Squirrelflight in the eye, causing her to back-flip and disappear to somewhere else

"I'm having my kits!" She yowled.

Jayfeather rolled his blind eyes, padding in from behind the gray dappled queen. "Like that's new news."

Ferncloud hobbled over to her worn out nest, getting ready to kit. "Handsomekit! It hurts. Will you hold my paw?"

"No! I'm taking a nap." The young tom hissed.

"But Dustpelt broke up with me and was exiled too. You're the father; can't you just hold my paw?" She cried.

"No."

After awhile, Ferncloud had twenty-six newborn kits. Jayfeather had run out of herbs so he left the freshly-kitted queen alone with the newborns. She had to name them all by herself because Handsomekit didn't want to wake back up to name his own children.

"Fernkit, Cloudkit, Dustkit, Peltkit, Sandkit, Stormkit, Ravenkit, Wingkit, Brindlekit, Facekit, Ashkit, Furkit, Whitekit, another Stormkit, Tailkit, Larkkit, Hollykit, Icekit, Spiderkit, Legkit, Birchkit, Fallkit, Shrewkit, Foxkit, and Leapkit." She meowed, pointing a delicate paw at each one in turn, though no cat in ThunderClan cared enough to listen.

* * *

_A/N: Meheheh... I don't care about time-lines at all and all that other stuff just so you know, but feel free to do that flaming thing. This is a troll-ish-fic, yeah? Isn't Handsomekit so handsome? _:3


	4. Bluestar is Reincarnated

**Chapter Four of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomekit woke up at dawn to the sound of yowling and painful shrieks. Sandstorm was finally kitting! He picked his way through the twenty-six newborn kits that were sprawled over the floor of the nursery. He finally made it to the other end of the den without waking a single one of Ferncloud's many, many kits.

Jayfeather had replenished his stock of herbs and was treating Sandstorm as she kitted. Firestar sat at the entrance of the den with Brambleclaw, both toms glaring at the young tom. Firestar glared at Handsomekit because he had stolen his mate. Brambleclaw was glaring at his son because he was much better looking than him.

Sandstorm and Handsomekit held paws, though the tom kind of tried to struggle out of her grasp. Her paw was so sweaty! He would have to groom himself for a whole day to get that icky sweat from his beautiful blue paw.

"Owwww!" The ginger yowled.

"Shut up." Jayfeather and Handsomekit muttered in unison.

Handsomekit got bored of sitting there so he pulled away his paw and padded back to his own nest where Squirrelflight was sleeping. He hopped in and buried his head under her fur to drown out his grandmother's screams.

...

"You have two healthy she-kits." Jayfeather reported before leaving the nursery.

Handsomekit got out of the nest and trudged through the sea of Ferncloud's kits. Sandstorm was nuzzling the two kits. One was blue-gray and the other was a white pelted she-kit with gray ears and paws and tail-tip.

"Let's name them Bluekit and Snowkit." Sandstorm suggested, purring as her mate sniffed their newborn kits.

Firestar, still at the entrance of the nursery, gasped. It was a reincarnation of Bluestar! And her sister Snowfur! Finally, the most important ThunderClan leader (and her sister) were brought back to life! From StarClan back to ThunderClan.

But then the ginger tom remembered that Sandstorm had cheated on him. So Firestar stalked over to the pair and their new litter, stepping on Ferncloud's kits along the way. Sandstorm wrapped her tail protectively around her reincarnated-kits.

Firestar raised a paw and swiped at the new kits. The flame-colored ginger hissed. Handsomekit sighed. Sandstorm wailed.

After seasons and seasons of Bluestar and Snowfur waiting to find the perfect time to be reincarnated, they were killed at the age of five minutes. Firestar was seething, his green eyes burning in hatred. He had Bluekit's and Snowkit's blood on his paws.

"Well, that's done." Firestar sighed happily, content that he ruined his ex-mate's life.

Sandstorm had another river of tears streaming from her face. "But... but you killed my kits..."

"I killed _his _kits." He pointed his paw at the golden-blue tom.

"Seriously? You just killed Bluestar and Snowfur practically." Handsomekit raised his brow whiskers, somehow knowing who the kits really were.

"Whaaaat?" Firestar finally remembered that those kits weren't just regular ol' kits. "NOOO!"


	5. Battle Won

**Chapter Five of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomekit wasn't too upset about the death of two of his twenty-eight children. Sure, they were reincarnations of two very important cats, but whatever. Firestar was exiled from the Clan by his father, Brambleclaw, who became a newly named Bramblestar.

Squirrelflight became the new deputy which was pretty awesome.

"Handsomekit... You're so handsome." His mother meowed dreamily.

"Um, is that all?" The golden-blue kit asked, flicking his tail impatiently.

"Huh?" The dark ginger deputy blinked her green eyes. "I have to go organize patrols. I'll be back later, okay? Don't get any more queens preggy, got it?"

"Ummm... sure thing, Mom..."

After Squirrelflight left the nursery, Handsomekit padded over to Brightheart who had Dewkit, Snowkit, and Amberkit sleeping in the crook of her leg.

"Oh, hello, Handsomekit!" The white-and-ginger squealed. "I'm honored you'd come over here. I am unworthy to be in your presence."

"Ain't that the truth." He muttered.

Handsomekit forgot was he was going to say so he padded away and left the nursery. Brightheart started having a heart attack because she was so happy that he had spoken to her. Handsomekit sighed and walked away from the nursery.

"Dad!" A chorus of mews erupted from the den. Brightheart must have accidentally woken up Ferncloud and her kits in her excitement and heart attack.

Dozens of dawdling kits ran out after him. "Aw, come on." He flattened his ears as the annoying kits ran out after him.

Handsomekit led them through the camp reluctantly since there was no ue in taking them back to Fernclouds. Their eyes were wide with curiousity as they followed their father across the stone-floored clearing. He led them through the bracken tunnel and into the forest. He padded through the woods towards the lake as if he'd been there a hundred times before.

They padded up to the shore. The lake rippled and nipped at their tiny paws. Handsomekit warned them not to go in the water. Then like half of them went in the water.

"Help us, Handsomekit!" They wailed.

"Ain't nobody got time for that." Handsomekit growled.

He sat down with the other half of the litter on the sandy shore. "Whoever hits the most wins!" One of the younger kits yowled.

They all picked up stones and chucked them at the kits who were trying to swim back to shore.

"Score!" Stormkit yowled.

"Ha ha!" Fernkit mewed. "Did you see how I threw that rock at Fallkit's head?"

"Heh, Spiderkit's going feel this!" Foxkit laughed, throwing a flat stone.

It skipped across the water a few times before hitting Spiderkit in the nose. Handsomekit and the other kits got bored of throwing rocks at their littermates so they walked along the shore even farther, leaving them still flailing in the water. He had rather enjoyed spending time with his children.

Suddenly, a patrol of ShadowClan cats led by Rowanstar burst out from the brush.

"You're invading our territory, ThunderClan!" Rowanstar mewed, sounding very much like a she-cat for some weird unexplainable reason. "You're four fox-lengths away from the lake instead of three! I will kill yooouu, Handsomekit!"

"Noooo!" Bramblestar and Squirrelflight and the rest of the ThunderClan warriors ran to Handsomekit's aid. Ferncloud's kits suddenly disappeared for no reason (to his relief).

The whole of ShadowClan and all of the ThunderClan warriors broke out into battle by the lake.

Rowanstar leapt at Handsomekit, who swerved out of the way just in time. Squirrelflight yowled as the new deputy of ShadowClan, Ferretclaw, raked his claws down her side. Handsomekit trotted to his mother, dodging flying claws and clumps of fur.

Foxleap and Oakfur tumbled past Handsomekit. Each tried to grasp the other's throat. The small brown ShadowClan tom looked up at the golden-blue kit for a moment. His amber eyes widened.

"So handsome!" He mewed before Foxleap gave him a killing bite.

Handsomekit leapt past the body and padded over to his mother who was about to be killed by the gray tom. He drew back a paw and punched Ferretclaw all the way back to his camp.

"He's stronger than me!" Lionblaze wailed before flinging of a she-cat from his shoulder.

But there was still too many ShadowClan warriors. But Handsomekit knew what to do. He stood in a patch of sunlight. His golden fur reflected the light and made the world sparkle. The ShadowClanners went blind from his awesomeness. They all fell over, covering their eyes with their paws, and shouted in cries and wails and yowls.

"He's handsome!"

"He's beautiful!"

"My eyes! He's too awesome."

Then, Ferncloud came to save the day! She and her huge belly bounced along the sandy shore then up the slope into the battle. The ThunderClan cats ran away like cockroaches.

The gray preggy queen pushed down her belly to the ground and sprang up high in the sky. She covered the sun, causing the ShadowClan cats, plus the other Clans of the lake, to shriek in fear. Ferncloud then fell down from the sky and squished the enemies into oblivion.

A few moments later hundreds of newborn kits rained from the sky. Handsomekit ran up to Ferncloud.

"You promised you would wait to kit until I got back to camp." He said, glaring at her with his shiny blue eyes.

"Kits don't wait to kit." Ferncloud looked down at her paws.

"Whatever." Handsomekit shrugged.

The ThunderClan cats began to yowl in triumph. "Handsomekit! Ferncloud! Handsomekit! Ferncloud!"

Then kits began pelting them like rain so they all had to go back to camp for cover. Jayfeather had to treat all of the head injuries they got from the kit-storm. It kept raining kits until nighttime.


	6. HANDSOMEPAW!

Chapter Six of a very, very, Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"

* * *

Handsomekit and Ferncloud were treated like heroes after Jayfeather had healed the injuries of their Clanmates. His father and mother were so proud. He would make a handsome leader one day. And Bramblestar knew that he was destined for greatness, for there was prophecy. A prophecy that decreed Handsomekit will change the Clans forever.

Berrynose and Poppyfrost were sharing a big plump squirrel. Handsomekit chewed on a mouse, sitting next to the pretty she-cat. Berrynose didn't notice anything. He didn't notice that Poppyfrost was getting round with kits OR that she was looking very anxious in between Berrynose and Handsomekit.

She ran off crying to the warriors' den.

"I wish I still had Honeyfern..." The older tom sighed, taking another bite of prey.

Handsomekit got an idea. Handsomekit was in love with Poppyfrost... And Berrynose didn't love Poppyfrost. He padded after the she-cat, catching beams of sun on his golden pelt.

"Hey, Poppyfrost." The handsome little tom mewed. "What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong!" She hissed, amber eyes shining with tears. "I can't believe I cheated on Berrynose!"

"Yes, you can. It was with me."

"Yeah, you're right..." Poppyfrost agreed. "But, Berrynose doesn't even love me in the first place. Now this?"

Suddenly, three toms charged full-speed at the den, bursting through the entrance, impaling Poppyfrost with bramble, causing her to become one with the bramble. One with the bramble... one with the braaaaamblllle...

Handsomekit blinked as the pretty tortoiseshell became a wooden statue. "Aw... the kits... whatever." He shrugged.

Then the golden-furred tom turned to see the three older toms. Bumblestripe, Lionblaze, and Brackenfur towered over him, growling.

"You got Dovewing pregnant!" Bumblestripe hissed.

'No I didn't.' Handsomekit said in his mind. 'I never touched Dovewing... Dang it. Tigerheart got to her before me...'

"You made out with Cinderheart behind the nursery!" Lionblaze bared his fangs in a hiss.

"You made Sorreltail break up with me! She won't even let me see Lilykit and Seedkit on weekends!" Brackenfur growled, though he looked like he was going to cry.

"All cats old enough to catch their own prey must gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting!" Bramblestar yowled. The three toms sneezed and padded out of the den.

Handsomekit purred in triumph. He took one last look of the bramble-statue of Poppyfrost before walking away.

The dark brown tabby waited until all of the ThunderClan cats were present. Bramblestar looked down at his son in pride/jealousy. At one moon old, the tabby leader had decided it was time for him to be apprentice. Especially since he helped defeat Rowanstar and his Clan.

"Handsomekit**, **you will be apprenticed early at the age of one moon. Though it is early, you had helped in the defeat and obliteration of ShadowClan. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Handsomepaw. Your mentor will be Lionblaze. I hope Lionblaze will pass down all he knows on to you."

Lionblaze growled but trudged towards Handsomepaw. Bramblestar began to wonder if giving his true son to his faux-son as an apprentice was a good idea. But that amber tom was just gonna have to tough it out. Bramblestar knew he was a better father to Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Hollyleaf than Crowfeather was.

Bramblestar cleared his throat and contrinued the ceremony, feeling slightly anxious that this was the first one for him. He prayed to StarClan that he wouldn't mess it up. "Lionblaze, you are ready to take on another apprentice. You had received excellent training from Aaaasshfur, and you have shown yourself to have courage and possess skill in battle. You will be the mentor of Handsomepaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to Handsomepaw."

"I will." Lionblaze muttered, glaring at the little tom.

Handsomepaw touched his blue nose to Lionblaze's brown nose.

"HANDSOMEPAW! HANDSOMEPAW!" The Clan screamed in joy.

Across the lake, RiverClan wailed in pain as ThunderClan screamed the new apprentices name. WindClan couldn't hear it luckily because the wind was already too loud to hear themselves think. ShadowClan was dead because Ferncloud squished them earlier, so, they didn't hear it either.

Handsomepaw let the the sun reflect off his pelt, making the Clan awe in wonder. He gave a boistrous laugh as Dovewing stumbled around deafly. The Clan turned around and laughed at the star-chosen cat as well.

* * *

_A/N; Handsomepaw! Handsomepaw! Poor, Poppyfrost... You sick-o, Tigerheart._

_Anyone want to do a commentary?_


	7. Goldenflower's Message

**Chapter Seven of very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

After the ceremony, Handsompaw was welcomed into the apprentices den. The Clan departed to go on patrols and to hide in the corners of the Clan to stalk Handsomepaw.

Squirrelflight watched as her son padded away. It felt like it was only a moon ago that he born. But guilt tugged at her heart. Her sister Leafpool, who had been very discreet lately, walked up to Squirrelflight.

"You okay?"The tabby asked.

"No..."

* * *

It was nighttime. Bramblestar was curled up in his nest in the cold den of the Highledge. His son had been made an apprentice earlier, and he was both proud and sad. Why was he sad? BecauseFirestar should still be leader. The brown tabby wished he had never exiled that old ginger. But then again... he did kill two kits.

Being a leader was tough. And Bramblestar questioned himself. Was Lionblaze a good choice for Handsomepaw's mentor?

Sighing, he tucked his nose in his chest fur and let the chorus of crickets and snoring lull him to sleep.

...

"Bramblestar!" A golden tabby yowled in his ear.

He jumped up and whipped around. His mother Goldenflower stood before him. They were in StarClan, standing in a calm clearing. Goldenflower purred and licked her son's forehead.

"We need to talk." The she-cat said, darting her amber eyes around the starry forest.

Quickly, the old queen led the tabby into a sandy hollow. Bramblestar had to run to keep up with her."You know, Brambly, I'm both proud and disappointed." She clawed her way down into hollow.

Bramblestar followed her still. "Why?"

"I always knew you'd be leader someday. You have ambition like your father."

"But I'd never try to take over the four Clans!" The tabby mewed.

Goldenflower sighed in relief as she sat down on the sandy earth. "Good. I don't see why have two hundreds cats under your paw does any good. Like, Tigerstar would have starved them. Then they'd eat him or they would all get sick..."

"I know right? It makes no sense at all! There is like no point. All of the cats would have been spread out anyway. Tigerstar was so froggin' stupid."

"That he was, Brambly." His mother agreed. "He was so stupid he didn't realize that Longtail is your real father."

"Wait... what?!"

"Hm? I didn't say anything."

An awkward silence hung in the air. Luckily, their conversation was muffled by the sand and their words didn't travel through the starry territories.

"Well, anyway, I have a message for you."

Bramblestar sighed bitterly. "It's about my son?"

"Yes." The amber queen nodded. "Handsomepaw has a power like no other. He gets a queen full of kits by only brushing against their pelt. Also, you must review his mother."

Goldenflower rasped her tongue over his shoulder before the starry world became warped as he awoken. Blinking his amber eyes, he saw Squirrelflight standing over him.

"You slept like a rock! I've already sent out border patrols, hunting patrols, and cleaning patrols. There's a bunch of Ferncloud kits wandering the forest and by the lake..." The talkative ginger talked on and on and never shutted up.

Bramblestar wondered what his mother meant... He had to 'review' Handsomepaw's mother. He looked up at his mate. A glint of uncertainty was in her wide green eyes.

* * *

_A/N: Oh my god! stop flaming this stpry! my god, get a life you stupd flmmers!_

_Just kidding. Heh, wasn't that how Obsidianwing and Darkrose would have said that?_

_Thanks for the flaaaaame! And everyone/anyone has permission to do a commentary. Just let me know so I can read it._


	8. Not Again!

Chapter Eight of a very, very, Gary-Stu fanfiction"Tom"

* * *

Handsomepaw and his mentor, Lionblaze, were patrolling the WindClan border with Cherrypaw and Foxleap. The moorland breeze buffeted his golden fur from behind the tree line. The sweet scent of blooming heather and gorse hung in the gusts of the wind.

"I think a rabbit-chaser crossed the border." Lionblaze growled, flexing his claws as he caught the scent of a WindClan tom. If it was Crowfeather, he'd rip him to shreds.

Foxleap and Lionblaze padded through the brush to find the trespasser. Handsomepaw grinned. He turned to Cherrypaw.

"Hey, girl." He meowed hotly.

"Hiiii..." She whispered happily, feeling flustered under his cyan gaze.

Ferncloud turned the radio on up to where the speakers were blaring. The music blasted through ThunderClan's territory like a pack of Twoleg monsters. Handsomepaw bobbed his head to the beat.

Cherrypaw blushed, catching herself staring at his flank.

"Wanna twerk?" He asked loudly, meowing over the music.

"Yeah!" Cherrypaw abandoned her shyness and let herself dance like crazy, throwing her paws up in the air and waving as if she just had not cared.

Lionblaze and Foxleap came back and stared wide-eyed at the twerking apprentices. Handsompaw bumped Cherrypaw with his flank. A blue spark flew from where their pelts touched. Lionblaze blinked. What_ was_ that?

Cherrypaw yowled in pain as the song ended. A beam of ginger kits blasted from her belly and pelted Lionblaze in the gut. Because he was invincible, he didn't die from the overpowering kit laser, but he passed out from the pain. Have you ever been blasted a firin' kit laser? It hurts! I would know... wut.

Foxleap ducked under the beam of ever-shooting kits that came from Cherrypaw. He rushed over to his apprentice's side. He bit his lip wondering what he could do.

Handsomepaw then padded over to them. He brushed his pelt against Foxleap. Suddenly Foxleap cringed, his belly round.

Bramblestar heard them. He GASPED as he ran towards them. Goldenflower was right! Handsomepaw had a power that made she-cats pregnant by just the touch of his pelt. But he must be getting stronger! Cherrypaw was still shooting kits out of her belly like a Nerf Rapid Fire! And now Foxleap, a tom, was going to have Handsomepaw's kits as well! Foxleap always was a bit she-catty...

"Bramblestar!" Squirrelflight suddenly ran up to the cats that were gasping, dying, shooting kits, and cringing. "Handsomepaw isn't our son."

The dark tabby turned around to face his mate. Her eyes were serious. He wailed and pounded his paws into the earth. "Not again!"


	9. Leafpool's Third Son

Chapter Nine of a blah.

* * *

Bramblestar paced his den. His broad shoulders were hunched and his tail was lashing His mate-and-deputy sat at the entrance with her head hung.

"How could you do this to me twice?" He growled, shaking his head. "Let me guess, you're covering for Leafpool again!"

"Yes. Handsomepaw is Leafpool's son." Squirrelflight confirmed.

Bramblestar whipped around to face her. "But why? She is a warrior now. She's no longer a medicine cat!"

The dark ginger sighed, her green eyes tearing up. "It's not because of her rank that I did this for her again. It's because of who Leafpool took on as a mate."

"Well, who is it?" He demanded.

"Jayfeather."


	10. Ceremony!

Chapter Ten of a verygarystufanfictiontitled "Tom"

* * *

Jayfeather sniffed the herbs and berries carefully. It had been getting hot and dry and he wanted to be sure he had fresh herbs to use. He gingerly picked out scraps of moldy leaves and old, dried up berries.

He prodded the herbs, looking for borage. The blind tom had been using up a lot of borage for the she-cats lately.

"Hey, Jay!" A loud voice said in his ear. It was both happy and grumpy.

But the voice made _him _grumpy. "What Lionblaze?"

He heard his brother shuffle towards him. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Chicken butt!"

...

"Handsomepaw has passed his assessments. He's out of my fur." Lionblaze reported happily.

Jayfeather looked up at him with closed eyes. His son? A warrior already. The two moons went by fast.

"All ThunderClan cats old enough to catch their own prey must gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan Meeting." Bramblestar yowled.

Lionblaze smiled and padded out of the den. Jayfeather sighed. Did Bramblestar have to disturb this tedious task? He padded out after his brother into the warm sun.

Bramblestar glared down at Handsomepaw. He seemed to never get any of his own kits. But apparently he was ready to become a warrior, so he performed the ceremony anyway.

"I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn.

"Handsomepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"No."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Handsomepaw, from this moment you will be known as-"

Suddenly Ashfur fell from the sky and began attacking Hansomepaw because he was Squirrelflight's kit!

Only Jayfeather, Squirrelflight, Bramblestar, and Leafpool knew that Handsomepaw's parents were't the leader and deputy, so they let Ashfur attack the apprentice.

With one swipe, Handsomepaw killed Ashfur. He was dead forever.

"As I was saying," Bramblestar growled watching the starry cat fade. "Before I was RUDELY interrupted, Handsomepaw, from this moment you will be known as-"

Chapter End.

* * *

_What will his name be and what virtues will be named?_

_Handsomeheart? Handsomefur? Handsomegleam?_

_Awesomeness? Skill in Twerking? Handsomeness? Strength?_


	11. Handsomehandsomehandsomehandsomehandsome

Chapter Elevan of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"

* * *

"Handsomepaw, from this moment you will be known as Handsomehandsome. StarClan honors your honesty and loyalty... Er..." Bramblestar quickly renamed the virtues, for Handsomehandsome was neither honest nor loyal. "StarClan honors your strength in battle and smexiness and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Bramblestar rested his chin on Handsomehandsome's head, feeling hatred for this tom. He wasn't his son. Squirrelflight had once again lied to him. But, how could he blame this kit for something he didn't do? He didn't ask to be born to an incestious she-cat and medicine cat.

Handsomehandsome felt an odd emotion stirring in his chest. He first felt it when his father rested his chin on his head, ending the ceremony. It was... The emotion of... sadness? Guilt? He felt sad. He was sad that he never got to spend time with his father. It was a very odd feeling.

He licked the leader's shoulder. Finally, the Clan cheered and congratulated the new warrior. "HANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOME!"

StarClan flickered in the broad light of day because ThunderClan screamed his name so loud that they woke up the warrior ancestors.

Bramblestar gasped and fell over, rolling over the edge of the Highledge and falling down to the stony earth with a thud. The Clan gasped.


	12. Vigil

Chapter Twelve. Time for a random fact(s)!

_Did you know that...?_

_Today is August 24rd, 2014._

_Now you know._

_Did you know that...?_

_August 24rd, 1305 is when Sir William Wallace was executed for high treason at Smithfield in London._

_Now you know._

* * *

Bramblestar's back was slightly arched, his legs crossed as if he were running. His tail was limp and his breathing was gone. There wasn't even a twitch of a whisker.

"Br-Bramblestar!" Squirrelflight was the first to react to the leader's fall from the Highledge.

She nudged through her Clanmates and bent over the tabby, pushing her nose into his fur. The Clan stared in shock. What had happened. Jayfeather pushed his way through and knelt down by his foster father.

Handsomehandsome looked down. His father was still and his mother was whimpering. ThunderClan was too surprised to move. He leapt down by the medicine cat and touched a paw to Bramblestar's shoulder.

The tabby was slowing losing warmth. The golden-blue tom looked at Jayfeather. The white tom's blue eyes were swirling with an odd pattern.

Jayfeather suddenly sat up and addressed the Clan. "Bramblestar has died."

They all gasped, but still did not move. Squirrelflight whipped around and snarled at Jayfeather.

"He's been leader for only almost two moons. He will come back to life!" She said harshly.

Jayfeather shook his head. "Firestar did not retire at the Moonpool. Bramblestar had only recieved the three of the nine lives."

"B-but, he has three, how can he be dead?"

Jayfeather shook his head. He knew so much, but revealed so little.

Handsomehandsome stared down at his father. He pressed his blue nose into the dark brown fur.

"You have been a wonderful father." He murmured, forcing himself to silence a cry of grief.

Squirrelflight and Jayfeather turned on their paws and stared at the young golden tom in surprsie.

Slowly, the Clan moved forward to share tongues with Bramblestar for the last time.

Lionblaze sighed and flicked his tail over the tabby's head. "You were never my real father, Bramblestar. But in my heart you are the most true and real father in all the Clans." He turned away and ran to his nest in the warrior's den. He could be heard whimpering into his paws.

Ferncloud padded forward, her dappled pelt hanging limply off her shoulders. "I always knew you would make a fine leader ever since you were born." The queen nodded to the tabby before returning to the nursery to tend to Foxleap.

Mousefur came to the tabby body next. She pressed her muzzle to his shoulder. "You were always a bit ambitious, you rat-tail. But... You have made even an elder like me respect you." She was then reluctantly led away by Purdy back to their den.

Berrynose rested a paw on his mentor's flank. "Aw, Bramblestar. Why'd you have to leave so soon?" He shook his head.

"I am glad you and Firestar took me and my kits into ThunderClan." Daisy said, resting her tail on Berrynose. "I will never forget your generosity."

Daisy pulled Berrynose away to let the rest of the Clan speak their parting words with Bramblestar.

Squirrelflight took her place ontop of the Highledge. She looked down at her Clan that was shocked and grieving. Slowly, they lifted their heads to look at the ginger deputy. It was time for her to appoint a cat in her place.

"I say these words before StarClan so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ThunderClan is Birchfall." She meowed, looking over at the light brown tabby tom.

"Thank you, Squirrelstar. I will honor this new position well." Birchfall nodded.

"I am not Squirrelstar yet." Squirrelflight shook her head, jumping back down to the body of Bramblestar.

Slowly, the sun set, and the Clan had paid their respects. Squirrelflight chose to make Handsomehandsome's vigil also count for the vigil for Bramblestar. He, his mother, Lionblaze, Berrynose, and Birchfall sat down by the tabby's body, pressing their noses into his striped fur.

And then a whisper, faint and soft, rang through the camp. "You are my father, Bramblestar. Welcome to StarClan."


	13. Nine Lives

**Chapter Thirteen of a very, very, Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomehandsome blinked open his glowing cyan-colored eyes. He had fallen asleep sitting vigil for his warrior ceremony and the honoring of his dead father and leader, Bramblestar.

Purdy, Mousefur, and with the help of Sandstorm, they take the body out of camp to be buried. The newly named warrior watches as his father is dragged away. He swipes a blue paw over his nose and shakes his head clear.

"I am going to the Moonpool." Squirrelflight said, casting a sad glance at her son. "Jayfeather! It is time for me to recieve my nine lives."

With that, the ginger and the tabby padded out of camp. Handsomehandsome shook his pelt. He remembered how such a long time ago when he was a kit he had had so much fun defeating enemies in their own territories. And when he was an apprentice, how much fun he had jerking off when his mentor wasn't looking.

But he was a warrior now. He needed to do his best to serve ThunderClan. What better than to settle down with a mate?

Calling over the new deputy, he asked if a Clan Meeting could be called.

"Every cat in ThunderClan must gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan Meeting!" Birchfall yowled, feeling a bit nervous since he was the deputy and not the leader.

"What do ya want, flea-bag? You ain't the leader yet." Mousefur growled grumpily as she stalked back into camp with Purdy.

"You aren't leader." Lionblaze scoffed, jealous that Squirrelflight had chosen Birchfall as deputy.

Spiderleg hopped around on his eight spider legs taunting his brother. "Birchy isn't leader! Birchy isn't leader!"

"Well until Squirrelstar comes back from the Moonpool, I'm in charge!" He hissed, lashing his tabby pelt. "Handsomehandsome has shared urgent knews with me that every cat must hear immediatly!"

The Clan gasped an came to gather beneath Birchfall and the new warrior.

* * *

_At the Moonpool..._

Squirrelflight padded down into the misty hollow with Jayfeather. Her paws slipped into the worn grooves of the stone.

"Drink the water and dream with StarClan." The silver tabby mewed grumpily, staring at the she-cat with cold blind eyes.

Squirrelflight crouched down beside him. He darted his tongue into the starry water and slowly sunk down and fell into a deep rest. She looked down at the pool. Her reflection was rippling with stars, as if she was looking down at a StarClan copy of herself.

Taking a deep breath, she lowered her muzzle to the water and drank the Moonpool dry. She was very thirsty.

_"Welcome to StarClan, Squirrelflight." __A kind mew greeted her._

_She looked up and saw grandmother, Brindleface. She had never met the queen herself, but Ferncloud and Sandstorm had often described her, saying that she got her dark pelt from her._

_"Are you ready to recieve your nine lives?" The queen tilted her head, purring.  
_

_"I am." Squirrelflight nodded nervously._

_The first starry cat padded forward. It was Bluestar, the leader who ruled ThunderClan before her father. The blue-gray she-cat rested her chin on her head for a moment, looking coldly into Squirrelflight's pathetic soul. "With this life, I give you the gift of concealance. We both had a terrible secret regarding our kits, and we both could have kept our secrets a little more secretive."_

_Squirrelflight's fur shot up in a bristle. The new life had given her jolt._

_The second cat came forward. "With this life, I give you bad breath. You use it to kill friend or foe." The pale colored tom meowed, his baneful eyes staring into her green eyes. It was Maggottail, one of the leaders of the Dark Forest, who had somehow crossed into StarClan to give her a life. His bad breath was enough pain for her. He dipped his head and disappeared into the stars._

_The third cat was a kitten, blue-gray with bright eyes. She was Bluekit, the reincarnation of Bluestar. "With this life," she mewed in a shrilly voice, "I give you pity. Use it to act pitiful to make the other cats of the Clans give into your desperation." Squirrelflight was rocked with a painful seering on her chest as if a pair of claws dug into her fur._

_"With this life I give you hatred." Hollyleaf laughed maniacally. She lowered her muzzle into the she-cats ear and whispered, "when you and Leafpool die and come into StarClan I will murder you and send you to the Place of No Stars for breaking the code."_

_"I didn't brake the code!" Squirrelflight trembled._

_"That tabby did and you covered for her!" The black cat hissed. "Anyway, use it for strength as hatred triumphs all."_

_Hollyleaf disappeared, leaving a mysterious black shadow racing across the starry sky. Squirrelflight felt immense sadness in her heart. She knew that feeling already. She wished Hollyleaf had truly been her daughter._

_"With this life, I give you pain." A random ginger cactus said. "Inflict it on others wisely." He touched his needly paw on her shoulder, driving the cactus needles into her organs. Squirrelflight couldn't move as she was skewered by Cactusfoot._

_The sixth cat came forward, her brown tabby pelt gleaming. Her blue eyes were shining like leaf-bare frost. It was Honeyfern, her Clanmate who had died too soon. "With this life, I give you back-stabbing. Use it like Poppyfrost had and steal mates, and kits, and prey, and life, and and and!"_

_Honeyfern began thrashing around screaming shrilly words about Poppyfrost and Berrynose. Squirrelflight's ears seemed to be punctured by her screeches. She was glad it was over by the time Honeyfern had crawled back into the starry sky._

_"With this life, I give you bravery. Use it to serve your Clan well." A pale kit mewed. She had a snub nose and a broad, flat face. Her amber eyes were wide-set and the long fur on her pelt was still fuzzy._

_Squirrelflight purred as a tickly feeling pricked at her paws. It quickly escallated to firy burning throughout her body. She was gasping as the seventh life settle into her body._

_"With this life, I give you love." Tallstar meowed, resting his chin on her head. He had been in love with Jake and acted as if Firestar was his own son. It felt as if little Squirrelflight were his own granddaughter. "Use this life to love any cat."_

_Then the last cat came forward. His dark blue eyes were cold. His thick ashy fur was bristling. His lips were curled into a snarl. It was Ashfur._

_"With this life, I give you revenge!" He yowled, foam dripping from his jaws.  
_

_Squirrelflight ducked down as he lunged at her. How did Ashfur come back to life? Handsomehandsome had killed him during his warrior ceremony!_

_"Use it to destroy those who break your heart!" He hissed, swiping his claws at her._

_"Squirrelstar! Squirrelstar!" StarClan cheered, watching the battle between Ashfur and the new leader commence._

_"I bet five mousetails Ashfur kills two lives." Yellowfang whispered to Jayfeather._

_"You're on, flea-bag."_


	14. The Scoreboard

Chapter Fourteen of "Tom"

* * *

Birchfall and Handsomehandsome sat on the Highledge, looking down at the Clan. Even the kits had come out for the Meeting. The ThunderClan cats waited patiently for the deputy's news.

"Um. Well, Handsomehandsome has requested a Meeting for uh..." The brown tabby looked over at him. "Umm..."

"Yo! Let the tom speak!" One of the cats shouted.

"Yeah, ya imbasil!"

The cats began throwing cups and tomatoes at Birchfall who was the worst public speaker ever. Handsomehandsome sighed and put his paw up.

"Stop it, please." He asked them in his handsome voice.

Immediately, they calmed back down.

"Well," The golden-blue tom began to think. "I've decided I need to settle down with a mate. If you want to be my wife, then please make a line from the Highledge."

The cats who were in love with Handsomehandsome made a neat line under the Highledge while the rest of the Clan hung back to watch.

He leapt back down and began to examine each of his candidates. First in line was Cinderheart.

"Let's see..." He lifted up her paw and checked her whiskers. She had quite the nice pelt and she always did have the prettiest blue eyes. Plus, she was a good kisser. Lionblaze growled from afar. Cinderheart was _his _mate, not that cockatoo's.

The second in line was Dovewing, who was round with Tigerheart's kits. He immediately rejected her. So far it's 1 for maybe and 1 for no. Plus, Dovewing had blue eyes which had been colored rainbow in Dovewing's Silence and made her look like a Angelkit and Starkit. So she was a no as well.

"Score is 1 to 2, who is gonna win?" The MC shouted. "Will Handsomehandsome be picky and rule out more than half the line, or will he fall in love with nearly all of ThunderClan?!"

"Calm down, Berrynose." Cloudtail hissed.

The third in line was Brightheart. Handsomehandsome shook his head. She hung her head and walked back to the nursery with a drooping tail.

"And it's 1 maybe and 3 nos!"

"SHUT up, Berrynose." Cloudtail cuffed him over the head.

The fourth was Foxleap. Handsomehandsome put a paw on his round belly. He was going to kit soon. He examined his reddish brown striped fur. Foxleap certainly one cute tom. He nodded. The score was 2 to 3.

**The Score Board**  
**6 to 10**

Maybe  
1)_ Cinderheart_  
2)_ Foxleap_  
3)_ Gaystripe_  
4)_ Sorreltail_  
5)_ Obsidianwing_  
6)_ Ferncloud_

No  
1)_ Dovewing_  
2)_ Brightheart_  
3)_ Purdy_  
4)_ Leafpool_  
5)_ Lilykit_  
6)_ Dewkit_  
7)_ Rosepetal_  
8)_ Spiderleg_  
9)_ Blossomfall_  
10)_ Briarlight_

* * *

A/N: _Will there be any late entries? Who will move from the No to the Maybe? Will Handsomehandsome pick just one? Will he cheat on them? Will there be kits?_


	15. Kawaii!

**Chapter Fifteen of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

"Any late entries?" Birchfall asked, looking around the camp.

Sandstorm raised her paw. She had been burying Bramblestar and then she had went off to do some hunting.

"Okay, we have a late entry. Will Sandstorm be a no or maybe?" The MC Berrynose whispered into his microphone, raising a brow.

Suddenly, a purple portal opened up in camp, almost swallowing up the cream-colored tom. A small purple she-cat came out. She had a 'star-shaped' mark on her head. One of her eyes were molting orange and the other was rainbow. It was... Starkit! Or was it Starpaw? Was her name Stargleam? Or Starstar? Was she still Gleamstar? We'll call her Gleamstar!

Gleamstar threw up her head and smiled. "I would like to enter this beauty contest! I am the most mary-sue she-cat in the fandom! And Handhandsome is the most gary-stu. I should obviously be his mate."

Handsomehandsome put Sandstorm on the No list and Gleamstar on the Maybe.

* * *

_At the Moonpool..._

Jayfeather was smilling in a bitter way when he woke up. All of the medicine cats had gathered up some mousetails and were betting on who would win the battle between Ashfur and Squirrelstar.

Eventually, Squirrelstar was able to slash Ashfur's throat and make him bleed glittery stars out of his neck. She had won the battle and Jayfeather had won the bet.

Jayfeather was rich now. He was the only one that said Squirrelstar would win. He currently had three hundred mousetails because all of the StarClan medicine cats were losers.

Yellowfang had bet five.  
Sedgewhisker had bet twenty.  
Molepelt bet one hundred.  
Echosong bet fifty.  
Spottedleaf didn't bet at all 'because Squirrelstar is like my own daughter'  
Featherwhisker bet fifty.  
Mothflight bet twenty.  
Barkface bet his whole set of whiskers.  
Cinderpelt put in the rest, fifty-five.

Now he was rich!

"Okay, let's get back to camp." He mewed grouchily, trying to hide his emotions like always.

Squirrelstar yawned and sat up. She shook her tattered pelt and glared at the tabby. "Why don't we talk first? About Handsomehandsome."

"Fine." Jayfeather muttered, glad she wasn't mad at him for the betting he was doing while they were in StarClan .He sighed. "He's my son. He's my brother. What else do you want me to say? Thanks? Well thanks Squirrelstar for covering for me."

She felt her fur begin to bristle. "Why I outta- Hey, is that regret I see on your lip leftover from supper?"

"No!" He swiped a paw over his nose.

"Ha!" Squirrelstar smirked. "All you have to do is tell the Clan."

"Me? Tell the Clan?" Jayfeather stuttered, narrowing his blind eyes at her. "I'd lose my rank!"

"Oh, so you like being a medicine cat?"

"No!"

"..."

"..."

"Well I'm leader now. I won't let that happen." She sighed.

"What would Handsomehandsome think? What will the Clan think?"

"They'll understand why he's so cruel."

"I'm not cruel."

"Hmph." Squirrelstar padded out of the hollow.

Jayfeather tilted his head and thought to himself. Was he cruel? No. He just had the power to do a lot of things like see other cat's dreams and use a stick to travel back in time. He wasn't cruel! Just gifted and a little cranky.

Suddenly Jayfeather gasped. He fell down, hitting the stone with a thump. Squirrelstar ran over to him. She was no medicine cat. And she didn't know what to do.

_"Jay's Wing!" Half Moon yowled into the silvery tom's ear. "Jay's Wing!"_

_Jay's Wing blinked his eyes open. The small white she-cat was nudging him awake._

_"Jay's Wing, I think I heard something."_

_Jayfeather had not come back to the Ancients for awhile. Since before Handsomehandsome was born. He and Half Moon had run away to this nifty place with a river, marsh, moorland, and woods. Rock was all like 'you can never be together!' so they left and found their way to this foresty territory._

_Half Moon and Jay's Wing were sleeping in a deep-set den shrouded in ferns. Half Moon's dark green eyes were wide with worry. He heaved himself up and padded out of the den. He took in a deep whiff of the forest scent. Clumps of thorny bracken were by the den and growing at the edges of the clearing. It looked as if they were growing into walls. A__ small stream cut through and flowed around the rocks, slowly carving into a big rock covered in lichen._

_Jay's Wing perked his ears. It did sound as if something were disturbing the forest._

_"Help!" A distant cry shouted. "Help!"_

_The twosome sprinted towards the source. A large wide river crashed around. A small kit was clinging onto a slippery rock. His big cyan eyes were wide with fear._

_Half Moon gasped. "We must save him!"_

_She ran down the bank and leaned down on her haunches, ready to spring into the rushing water. Jay's Wing jumped towards the kit into the dark water. Then the she-cat followed. Surprisingly, they were standing on top of flat smooth rocks. If the river was lower they'd be good for sunning._

_Jay's Wing carefully stepped on each stone. The poor kit was on the farthest rock in a deeper part of the river._

_Finally, he bent over and picked the kit up by the scruff. They brought the kit back to the den._

_"What is your name, young one?" Half Moon asked the golden-pelted kit._

_"H-Handsome F-face," He said, shivering._

_Half Moon licked the young kit dry. Handsome Face purred. Jay's Wing couldn't help but feel jealous._

_"Are you okay, Jay's Wing?" She asked, looking up at him._

_He fell over._

"Are you okay, Jayfeather?" Squirrelstar asked, looking down at him.

* * *

Gleamstar was running around camp. She bumped into Gaystripe. "You want to be my mate? That's so nice!" She squealed, looking so kawaii~

"No, please, not again." Gaystripe whispered, his yellow eyes wide in horror.

Then Brackenfur summoned some courage and tapped her beautiful shoulder. "Excuse me, Gleamstar."

"Oh my god!" She screeched. "Are you mole straeping me?!"

"N-no!" The tabby stammered. "I-I uh!"

Handsomehandsome shook his head and led Gleamstar away. "You're so kawaii." He stated.

"Yeahhhh! I am!" She giggled, molting orange/rainbow eyes gleaming like stars.

Handsomehandsome was considering this wonderful she-cat to be his mate. But then, Obsidianwing appeared! Like Gleamstar, she was on the maybe list. She was so jealous of Gleamstar! She wanted to be Handsomehandsome's wife!

"Kawaii!" Gleamstar yowled as the other mary-sue scraped her claws into her flank.


	16. Handsomehandsomehandsomehandsome 2

**Chapter Sixteen... Time for a random quote.**

**"Walk two moons in someone else's paws, and you'll probably become a mary-stu." -Sivillian**

* * *

"Hello, Squirrelflight." Rowanstar mewed menacingly in his squeally voice. "Where is Bramblestar?"

"I am Squirrelstar now. Bramblestar is dead." She announced.

The cats gasped. They looked up at the ginger. It was barely a season that Bramblestar ruled ThunderClan. Was Squirrelflight truly leader now.

"May he rest well in StarClan." Onestar nodded.

"Thank you." Squirrelstar sat on one of the thick branches by Mistystar on the tree.

She looked down at all of the Clan cats. She was high up above the dozens of felines, but she wasn't nervous a bit.

"Well now that that is out of the way, let the Gathering begin!" Mistystar announced. "This green-leaf has been kind to RiverClan. We have three new warriors that nobody cares about, and we have one new apprentcie here with us tonight that is probably invisible right now."

"Yaaaaay." The Clans cheered unenthusiastically.

Onestar cleared his throat, and began to teeter on his branch. "Whooa!" He dug his claws into the tree and pressed his tail against the trunk. "Curse my only whisker!"

Lionblaze laughed loudly.

"Hmph." Onestar regained balance and began the report. "WindClan is fairing well. Crowfeather has taken on a new mate."

"BOOO!" The Clans hissed.

A certain dark gray tom ducked his head and fled the island.

"His new mate is Snowbird of ShadowClan. Their kits will be born in a moon."

"Let's claw his entrails out, and hang 'em on the tree!" Some cat shouted.

"Kill the kits! They might be mary-and-gary-stus as well!" A RiverClanner yowled.

"Why don't we all become his mates, eh?" Another warrior growled angrily.

"I love you Crowfeather!" An apprentice squeaked.

And that night, an apprentice died. And StarClan did not give a dirt, for that apprentice favored Crowfeather.

Rowanstar rolled his eyes. "ShadowClan is, like, totally doin' not... so... well. We're, like, down to, like, five cats. Me, and Tawnypelt, Ferretclaw, Medicinecat, Snowbird, who is more pregnant than a spider in new-leaf, and that one ShadowClan cat that is black and always gets killed in, like, every border skirmish."

Some of the cats shook their heads and wished Blackstar was still around. Blackstar was much more macho than Rowanstar.

The dark brown tom then finished his report. "I also think that I'm half she-cat. Ya know, since the start of the second arc, like, I noticed weird changes in my bod."

There was an awkward silence.

Squirrelstar was the last to give her Clan's report. "As you can see, Bramblestar is dead. May he rest in StarClan."

The Clans murmured their agreements.

"This green-leaf we've had more than five thousand kits, thanks to Ferncloud. One of those kits though, I had kitted myself. In only a short time, he was apprenticed, and then three days later he became a warrior, right before Bramblestar died. Handsomehandsome."

The golden tom raised his head proudly. His blue ears and muzzle shined like water in the moonlight. His glossy pelt looked even glossier among the dull Clan cats.

They all gasped. "_**HANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOME!**_" They cheered.

And then, Birchfall sighed. Another game of No or Maybe was probably going to start soon.


	17. Hell to the No, Willowshine

**Cadasowk**

Birchfall felt sad since Squirrelstar hadn't announced that he was deputy in front of millions of cats. Nonetheless, he organized the Clans on the island for a new round of No or Maybe. In fact, every cat of the lake came. Kits, elders, those barn cats, and that weird thing that lives in the tunnels.

"Okay, if you are in love with Handsomehandsome, please stand on this side of the island." The brown tabby instructed, pointing a paw to the right side of the Great Oak. "Handsomehandsome will paw-pick if you are a potential candidate on the Maybe list, or if you are a loser on the No list."

The golden-blue tom sat at the base of the tree. His cyan eyes glowed like the sun in the dark light of night. Many of the Clan cats were in love with this young tom. Many of them decided to see if they would be a potential wife for Handsomehandsome.

"Let's see who we have here." He meowed, padding to the front of the line.

The first cat was a small brown RiverClan she-cat. Copperpaw. Copperpaw's eyes were wide with nervousness.

"Nice pelt. Healthy eyes." Handsomehandsome nodded. "But unfortunately, the entire fandom hates you because they thought Darkroses made you up in the allegiances of Starkit's Prophecy. So you're a no, Copperpaw. That goes for you too Sneezepaw!" The warrior pointed at the end of the line where Sneezepaw stood. "For the same reasons."

Both RiverClan apprentices cried a river a tears as they ran away, shamed for being rejected by the most handsome cat in the world.

"Nightcloud?" Handsomehandsome choked for the black she-cat was second in line. "L.O.L. No."

The dark queen narrowed her eyes and backed away slowly into the night.

And because the author is too lazy to write the interactions between Handsomehandsome and the hopelessly in love cats, Birchfall presents the list of No and Maybes from the other Clans

Maybe

Rowanstar

Onestar

Mistystar

Reedwhisker

Icewing

Tigerheart

Dawnsparkle

Flametail

Swallowtail

Mothwing

Smoky

Tallpoppy

Breezepelt

Guestpersonanonymous

No

Heavystep

Nightcloud

Mapleshade

Copperpaw

Sneezepaw

Poopypaw

Webfoot

Tornear

Sunstrike

Ratscar

Snowbird

Helllllll to the No

Willowshine


	18. Trollface

Handsomehandsome gives you a trollface.

"Next chapter soon." He meows.


	19. Handsomehandsome Chooses His Wife!

"It's our Clan cat God!" The cats screamed, pointing their paws at the stars.

A heavenly being padded down from the sky, her descent slow and dramatic. The beautiful Goddess dazzled the Clans.

Even Handsomehandsome was dazzled by her.

"Greetings, cats. I am your ruler now."

"Yes, fair Goddess!" The cats all bowed down.

"You may call me Kim Kardashian." She said, brushing her black hair over her shoulder.

"Yes!" Handsomehandsome's eyes widened. "This is my wife!"


	20. Give Handsomehandsome thee Bird

Handsomehandsome picks up a book. Handsomehandsome gives you the book.

"Re-read that last nineteen chapters." He meows. "Next chapter is coming to webpages near you soon."


	21. Concurrence

Chapter 21 of blah.

* * *

"I feel as if we are being controlled..." A blue cat meowed tartly to her bracken-colored companion.

"Yes," the other cat agreed. "It is as if we shall not exist unless a greater force, larger than StarClan, lets it be so."

"I concur..."


	22. Sivillian is Back and We Chose a Mate!

**Finally- A new chapter!**

* * *

"Like, ew!" Kim Kardashian squeeled. "I totally forgot that I hate nature."

The celebrity whipped around and ascended back into the starry sky. The cats wailed and pounded their fists into the grass. Handsomehandsome stood still in shock.

The golden-blue tom turned around and faced the miserable felines rolling about before him.

"Birchfall," he called out to the ThunderClan deputy with sadness rolling in his handsome voice. "I think I know who my wife shall be."

The tabby nodded and hopped up onto the Great Oak where the leaders stood to give their reports. "Everyone! Listen! Handsomehandsome has (finally) chosen his mate!"

The cats scrambled up to gather around the tree, desperately listening to Birchfall for the announcement, instantly forgetting the Kardashian goddess. They crowded so close to the Great Oak that some of the cats were impaled by the twigs growing low on the trunk. Others were pushed into the tree and their whole body became covered in splinters. A few even merged into the bark and became one with the tree.

"Who is it?" Mistystar demanded to know as Rowanstar pushed her over to get closer to the tree.

"Tell us before we impail you with a stick and lay your entrails out on a beaver's tail!" Breezepelt meowed angrily, squirming uncomfortably for there was a twig entering his body from his chest that exited from his back.

Handsomehandsome sat back away from the fray, the last images of the beautiful Kardashian fading away. He had to get over her. She was too good for him. He had to choose a mate, and he had, though they would never be the fine specimen as Kim was.

Birchfall cleared his throat and waved his tail to quiet the masses. "Out of both no's and maybe games, Foxleap had the highest score."


	23. Chapter Hashtag 23

**Chãpter 23 of a very, very gary-stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

The Clans left the island by walking across the fallen tree into WindClan. They dispersed into their respective territories.

Handsomehandsome led the ThunderClan cats back since, like, Squirrelstar was uber old now. She aged twelve seasons since her leader ceremony a few days prior. In no time, she would be losing her nine lives to old age and Birchfall would be the new leader.

"Hey, Breezepelt," Lionblaze growled. He prodded his half-brother, who grasping Handsomehandsome's tail and trailing behind the blue-gold tom, in the head.

"W-why can't I be your wife Handsomehandsome? Why?" The dark tom cried, letting go of his tail. He lay there on the lakeshore, crying.

Handsomehandsome continued to walk ahead. Only Foxleap was on his mind. And the thought of Birchfall's entrails on a beaver's broad tail... the latter was quite amusing.


	24. WILL YOU MARRY ME?

**Chapter 24 of a whatever.**

* * *

The ThunderClan warriors returned to their stone-cut camp. The cats who had stayed eagerly asked them for the news.

"Well," Squirrelstar coughed. "I guess that uhh..." She forget what she going to say.

"Handsomehandsome has chosen who his wife will be." Birchfall said as Purdy ushered their frail leader tp her den in the Highledge.

"Finally, like, it's totally me 'cause I'm, like, so kawaii~" Gleamstar yowled happily.

"No, it's me!" Obsidianwing toppled Gleamstar over in a single leap. "Handsomehandsome and I have sooo much in common! He has blue ears; I have purple ears. He has sky blue eyes, and I have forest green eyes! Sooo common!"

"Mary-sues, please," the gary-stu put a paw up. They stopped fighting instantly.

Handsomehandsome climbed up on the Highledge. Without even saying the words, the Clan gathered below for a meeting.

"My wife is," he paused for effect. "Foxleap."

"What?!" Cinderheart screamed.

"But! But! Butt!" Spiderleg flailed all eight of his fuzzy black legs.

"I thought we had something special!" Sandstorm cried in a voice that sounded like Patrickstar losing his Gary.

The reddish brown tom hobbled out of the nursery with his mother Ferncloud helping him walk. A big smile was on the tom's face.

"I'm honored, Handsomehandsome," he said happily.

The handsome tomcat leapt from the Highledge and approached his to-be mate. The crowd parted ways to let him through.

"So," Handsomehandsome blushed and for the first time felt shy. "Foxleap will you marry me?"

"Yes," Foxleap laughed. "Of course I will. Not just because of the kits. I really do love you."

"And I loooo..." Handsomehandsome had never loved anyone but himself before in all his short little life. He had never even said 'love' outloud. "I lurve you too." He said.

As quick as leaf-bare blizzard, ThunderClan busily began to prepare for the wedding.

But from the medicine store, a certain grinch-like tabby tom glared at the happy camp. Jayfeather glared and glared and glared even though he was blind and didn't see anything at all. Handsomehandsome was his son but he was also his brother. Jayfeather was also in love with Handsomehandsome more than anyone else.

"You must restrain yourself, Jayfeather." Leafpool told him, resting her tail on his shoulder. "Handsomehandsome has chosen his mate, and we both can see, er, feel that he is serious about this commitment he is making. I know you love him. I love him too. But he doesn't even know that Bramblestar and Squirrelstar are not his real parents."

"Whatever," Jayfeather said before trudging into his den to brood.

"Do not sabotage our son's happiness, my son," she warned him. "There will be consequences."

* * *

A/N: O_kay everykitty! We need to prepare for Handsomehandsome and Foxleap's wedding! Tell me in the reviews where it should be held, who should be invited (any canon character from any book is fine), what bite-sized food should be served, who should be the Queen of Honor; the Best Tom; and the other bridesqueens and groomscats should be. And what should the kits be named?!_


	25. Battle with Lionblaze

Chapter 25

"Squirrelstar!" The deputy cried.

Birchfall looked down at the crumpled body. The ginger leader was dead. Her old, thin pelt hung off her body and her ragged ears were flopped over. Her small tongue hung limp from her mouth. She was laying in her nest in her den that was carved into the Highledge.

"Birchfall!" ThunderClan looked up at him from below; the cats' eyes were wide with worry. "What's wrong?"

The tabby looked down at his Clan, his ears flat against his head. "Squirrelstar is dead."

They gasped.

"But how?" Ferncloud asked with her kits hanging off her back like possum pups.

"She gained her lives just a few days ago," Brackenfur said.

"But did you see how fast she aged?" Dovewing pointed out.

"This means Birchfall is our new leader. Birchstar!" Toadstep croaked.

Handsomehandsome stood from afar watching the disbelief roll through his Clanmates. His cyan-colored eyes glowed bright like the moon in the twilight-lit camp. They glowed bright with sadness. His mother was dead. At three moons old, he was an orphan.

Then Squirrestar hissed, "I ain't dead yet! I still has more lives!" She glared down at the Clan from the Highledge. Her green eyes were dull and slimy as if she had actually risen from the dead.

The Clan sighed in relief. "Thank, StarClan!" Cinderheart and Rosepetal said in unison.

Then the ginger she-cat fell over and tumbled down the Highledge and landed on the camp floor with a sickening thud. The Clan gasped in surprise and crowded around her.

"She really is dead now!" Cinderheart meowed mournfully.

"Nooo," Squirrelstar lifted up her head.

Handsomehandsome padded up to his frail mother. "Geez, Mom. If you're gonna die, then _die_."

"See you all in hell- I mean- StarClan!" She mewed with love.

Then she died. For realzies.

"Birchfall, like, you need to appoint a new deputy before moonhigh." Gaystripe meowed, flicking his paw towards the tabby. "That's soon. We'll sit vigil afterwards."

"You're right, Gaystripe," Birchfall nodded, feeling a rush of warmth under his pelt flare as he gazed at the gray tomcat. "Okay, everyone gather quickly for a Clan meeting!"

The kits and queens and elders and warriors, and the apprentices as well, crowded by the leader's body while looking up at the deputy expectantly.

Birchfall took a deep breath. "Okay... I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ThunderClan is Handsomehandsome."

Everyone turned to stare at the handsome tom who hadn't even trained his own apprentice yet. Foxleap was the first to congratulate him.

"Oh! This is so great!" The pregnant tom squealed.

Handsomehandsome smiled. "I am honored to be your deputy, Birchfall."

The Clan cheered his name happily, but one cat protested: Lionblaze.

"What?!" Lionblaze growled, shouldering his Clanmates aside as he approached the newly appointed deputy. "But but but I'm supposed to be deputy! I have superpowers! I'm invincible! And I actually have had apprentices!"

Lionblaze lunged at his half-brother/nephew/nephew-brother with claws unsheathed.

Foxleap gasped and jumped in front of Handsomehandsome to intercept the attack. Lionblaze flung Foxleap away, causing the Clan to gasp in horror. The reddish-brown tabby queen hit the camp's stone wall and fell to the floor. Handsomehandsome's heart stopped. He stepped towards Lionblaze slowly.

Handsomehandsome's eyes turned bloodred with anger and hatred. He then snarled and hurled himself at Lionblaze with bright red fire blazing from his paws. Lionblaze narrowly ducked his attack.

"You'll pay!" Handsomehandsome growled, his blue fur changing to crimson and his golden fur turning bronze-colored.

"Make me!" Lionblaze retorted, lashing his tail.

The red-bronze warrior hurled himself at the amber tom once more. His sharp claws slashed through air, missing his former mentor every time.

"You can't defeat me," Lionblaze cackled, knocking Handsomehandsome to the ground with one swipe. "Your story ends here!"

"STOP! Jayfeather and Leafpool jumped between Lionblaze and the fallen warrior.

Lionblaze haulted in surprise. "Move. Let me finish him off." He snarled at his mother who he hated as well so much.

Handsomehandsome's fur reverted back to gold and blue. His fiery paws began to smolder with smoke.

"I can't let you hurt our brother." Jayfeather said, his blind eyes flickering down at the unconscious body. "I can't let you hurt my son."

* * *

A/N: Exciting... Don't forget to give suggestions for the wedding plans... This is my favorite chapter so far.


	26. Have Time and Bluestar Commits the Crime

Previously on Tom:

Squirrelstar, leader of ThunderClan and mother of none, loses her nine lives in a single moment from what else but rapid aging. Upon her death our supporting character Birchfall must appoint a new deputy. The choice is clear. Although Handsomehandsome had never trained his own apprentice, he was the Clan's new deputy. In a jealous rage Lionblaze attacks Handsomehandsome. Foxleap leaps in front of our favorite feline to intercept Lionblaze's powerful paws. The pregnant tom is thrown aside.

Handsomehandsome returns with his own fury to avenge the pain Lionblaze had inflicted upin his fiancee and unlocks a superpower that no cat knew he had. His blue fur and cyan eyes turned red and his golden pelt darkened to bronze and his paws wielded fire. Alas, he was no match for the glorified Lionblaze. As Lionblaze prepares to finish off the weakened warrior, Jayfeather and his mother Leafpool shoulder their way in to stop him.

In their attempt to protect Handsomehandsome, Jayfeather reveals his worst secret: He is the father of the golden-blue tom.

* * *

Chapter 26 of our sort-of gary-stu trollfic titled "Tom"

"What do you mean?" Lionblaze asked in shock. "He's our brother?"

The small medicine cat nodded, his blind eyes looking up to his tall brother. The ThunderClan cats slowly swarmed around them listening to the dark secrets unfolding. Foxleap winced as he sat propped up by Ferncloud. His amber eyes gazed sadly at the unconscious body of Handsomehandsome. He reaches a paw out to his love, but Ferncloud advises him to not her any closer to Lionblaze.

"It's a long story," Leafpool meowed, her tail twitching nervously. "We don't have time to talk now beca-"

"We have time!" Lionblaze growled.

Birchfall gulped. He needed to receive his nine lives at the Moonpool, but didn't risk his life and the life of his deputy by standing up to Lionblaze.

"Well you see, Lionblaze," Jayfeather said, "Handsomehandsome is my son. Bramblestar wasn't his father and Squirrelstar isn't his mother. I broke the code."

"With Willowshine I presume?" Dovewing asked, her blue eyes rolling.

Jayfeather hissed in her direction. "No! I hate that RiverClan scumbag."

Lionblaze glared at the other Powerful Three cats. "Shut up, Dovewing." He said.

Dovewing cringed and hid behind Bumblestripe.

"So what do you mean by 'I can't let you hurt our brother' when he's your son? You medicine cats need to stop being so metaphorical!" Lionblaze insisted.

"Leafpool is his mother." Jayfeather explained.

"Leafpool?"

"Breaking more codes, huh?"

"Bouncing back from Crowfeather?"

"She should be exiled!"

ThunderClan began yelling insults and harsh words at the she-cat.

"Lolololol," Toadstep laughed.

"This is so going on Kitter and Facepaw," Cinderheart giggled as she held up her Catphone 5, recording the swarm of cats brining Leafpool with critising hatred.

"Everyone, quiet!" Birchfall yelled.

They all stopped and turned towards the tabby.

"Leafpool, Lionblaze," He looked at the two cats. "You are exiled!"

The Clan gasped in shock and surprise. Lionblaze didn't know what to say, so he walked out of the camp never to be seen again. Leafpool however began to protest. All the cats began pushing her out of camp. Finally this she-cat would be gone for good!

"Jayfeather, we are going to the Moonpool. Now." Birchfall demanded.

Jayfether muttered angrily but exited the camp with Birchfall.

"Ferncloud is in charge until I get back or if Handsomehandsome wakes up before I return." The tabby added.

When the two cats were long gone on their short journey to the Moonpool, Ferncloud took her place on the Highledge.

"Okay, first things first!" She yowled. "We need this place cleaned up! Mop up that blood and dust the dens. My son's getting married soon! And move Handsomehandsome to the nursery with Foxleap. Cinderheart, you used to be a medicine cat, so tend to their wounds. We have a wedding to plan!"

The dappled she-cat leapt from the Highledge leaving a trail of kits as she went from den to den checking up on the progress.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Moonpool, Birchfall confronted Jayfeather.

"Hey, Jay, do you have any advice for me?" Birchfall asked the medicine cat who had served under three different leaders.

"Yes. As a leader the only thing that will for sure grant you eternal leadership forever is to never, ever, and I repeat NEVER do this one simple mistake: There is alw-"

"No, stupid-head," Birchfall said. "Love advice. Half Moon and Briarlight are in love with you and somehow you seduced Leafpool. How can I had my true love fall in love with me?"

Jayfeather shook his head and gazed down at the sparkling puddle of water with his blind eyes. "Who is it?"

"I love Gaystripe," Birchfall said.

Jayfeather glanced sideways at him. "Alrighty then."

"I reaaallyyy like him, Jayfeather. Is there like an herb that makes your-"

Jayfeather grasped Birchfall's head with his paws and shoved his muzzle into the Moonpool. The tabby flopped over as the water went up his nose making him dream with StarClan.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at ThunderClan camp...

Handsomehandsome was dying. Foxleap watched over him whilst crying.

Bluestar looked down at the couple from StarClan. He still hadn't fulfilled his prophecy. Just then Birchfall appeared for his leader ceremony and she had a wonderfully terrible plan.


	27. Rename Life as We Know It!

Chapter 27 of Tom and the 28th day of December. NO CORRESPONDENCE!

* * *

Birchfall, our supporting protagonist to Handsomehandsome (who is probably an antagonist sometimes), stands in the starry land of StarClan. Jayfeather sits nearby. They wait. And wait. Annnddd wait. And wait.

Later

"Birchfall, are you ready to receive your nine lives?" A white she-cat with dark blue eyes greets him.

"Yes, but who are you?" He asks.

"Frostfur. You don't know me. You were born as a wee little kit when I died with the other elders as the Clans left on their Great Journey." The queen explained. "Your mother was so sad when your littermates, Larchkit and Hollykit, died. I know Ferncloud has had thousand of little kitties in her lifetime, but you three were special. Not so much anymore, but..."

Bircfall nodded then opened his eyes wide. "I had other siblings in my litter?!"

Frostfur shrugged and flicked her tail at a dark figure standing in the mist. A pale tabby she-cat stepped forward. It was his daughter: Ivypool, who is apparently deceased.

"With this life, I give you the gift of being ordinary. Use it to cope with your littermate being a specially chosen cat with the ultimate superpowers." The pale tabby meowed.

But Birchfall didn't know who she was. She didn't ring a bell or twitch a whisker for Birchfall.

"I hate you, Dad!" She yowled before storming off to her starry bedroom.

The next came forward. It was Hammerclaw. "With this life I give you renaming. Rename everything. Everything! Rename me, rename Bluestone, rename life as we know it, etc., etc., etc.!"

Then the rest of the cats came forward blah blah blah gave Birchfall lives et cetera. Then the last cat came to give him his last life.

Bluestar approached him. Her blue eyes looked over him intently. Her blue fur rippled over body, and her blue paws walked towards him slowly. Everything about Bluestar was blue. Her teeth were blue, her claws were blue, her pupils were blue so her whole eye looked blue. And soulless.

"Birchfall," she meowed. "Handsomehandsome is dying, so with this life I don't give it to you."

An 8-bit heart pixel floats up from the misty earth and zooms past Birchfall. It jumps through the Moonpool portal and flies back to camp.

"Birchstar! Birchstar!" StarClan chanted. "Birchstar! Birchstar! Birchstar! Birchstar!" They chanted so much it started to sound like something else. "Birchstar! Birchstar! Bichstar! Bichstar! Bichstar!" Or maybe the author forgot her 3 r's.


	28. 8-bit

**Chapter 28 of a getting-serious gary-stu trollfic titled "Tom"**

* * *

The 3D 8-bit heart glittered its way into the nursery. Foxleap gazed at it amazement. Its warm red glow lit the dark nursery in its soft light. Slowly it lowered itself down towards Handsomehandsome's chest. The point end-pixel punctured the perfect cat's skin. As grotesquely as you can image, the heart submerged itself beneath his pelt and dissolved into his blood.

The wound closed back up and Handsomehandsome awoke. A soft red glow could been seen under his chest fur, which made blue fur seem almost purple.

"What happened?" He asked handsomely, sitting up.

Foxleap's amber eyes dazzled with amazement. "We all thought you were dying! When Lionblaze hurt me you attacked him. Your fur turned bronze and red. Your paws caught on fire too! But in a good way."

"But... I lost to Lionblaze?" His cyan eyes widened. "But I'm perfect in every way!"

"Birchfall exiled Lionblaze," Foxleap meowed, leaving out that Leafpool was exiled too because it might raise suspicion. "Lionblaze can't defeated, even against your fiery feet of fury and fur."

"Hm. Well whatever. Are you okay at least?"

"Yeah, I'm sore and there's a giant hole in my skull, and I lost about a gallon of blood and a chunk of my brain fell out. I think it's still over by the prey pile unless Ferncloud had that area cleaned already. By the way, you're deputy. Remember?"

Handsomehandsome nodded and left the nursery. Ferncloud waved her tail to him.

"We need to call up the catering services. Maybe order some sushi and some _vino_ if you know what I mean."

"Pfft, are you Italian?" He rolled his eyes and pushed his mother-in-law over.

She lay on her back, paws flailing in the air, unable to roll over or hop up.

"Birchstar will be back with his nine lives soon. I'll just be doing whatever deputies do, mkay?" He announced to the idle Clan.

"Mkay," they all nodded back in unison.

"By the way," Bumblestripe called out, his face converted into a trollface, "Your mom and dad is actually Leafpool and Jayfeather. 'Kay, I'm outta here." He said as he dug himself a grave in the middle of camp. The tabby hopped in the hole and covered himself with dirt. Blossomfall stuck a flower on the mound, but Dovewing came over and beat the grave with a 2 by 4.

Meanwhile, Handsomehandsome stood still in shock. Utter shock. Again.


	29. Scars

**Chapter 29 of a gary-stu trollfic that isn't so trolly anymore titled "Tom"**

* * *

"Why are the Clans full of so many scars?" Handsomehandsome asked himself, staring at his beautiful reflection in the lake's water.

A new reflection rippled up. Two actually. Squirrelstar and Bramblestar.

"Handsomekit," his foster mother mewed, her pelt sparkling with stars beneath the surface in the sunset's light. "I lied to you and your father. I am so sorry. To both of you."

Bramblestar flattened his ears. "I'm not his father," he said just as the blue-gold deputy said, "He's not my father,"

"Goldenflower was right. She told me to review you, Squirrelstar, but I was blinded by Handsomehandsome's dazzling pelt." The dark tabby sighed. His amber eyes looked up at his foster son's eyes. "Handsomehandsome there is a prophecy. A prophecy in which you must accept with your pixelated heart so you can achieve your destiny."

"Tell it to me," he said eagerly.

"I can't," Bramblestar meowed. "You must go to the Moonpool."

"But I'm realy comfy right here. Look! The cover of my story is a picture of me sitting right here lookin at my reflection."

"Fine, whatever," Bramblestar then told his son- his foster son- the prophecy that Firestar had passed down to him from Bluestar. "A tom of golden fur and bright glowing eyes will bring the Clans together and clean the forest of its scars."

Handsomehandsome looked down at his blue paws. His sharp claws dug into the soft, wet sand. For a moment he remained pensive.

He looked back at his faux parents, but they were gone. A whistling sound brimmed in his ears. He looked across the lake.

Two cats walked together atop the water leaving a trail of stars on the lake.

Handsomehandsome understood his prophecy after watching the two starry cats pad across the lake with an entwined destiny.

He understood what he needed to do. He needed to take over the Clans of the lake.

"Wrong!" Bramblestar growled in his head. "My soul purpose in life was to take over the Clans. Not yours!" Oops. That wasn't Bramblestar, it was Tigerstar.

"Whatever. Get out of my head, Grandpaw." Handsomehandsome mewed to the evil voice, scratching his blue ear with his hind leg. "Oh wait, you aren't my grandpaw. Lol."

Tigerstar sighed in frustration and padded angrily out of Handsomehandsome's conscious. Then a new dead cat spoke into his head. They sounded like the wise and beautiful, but kind of pedophilic, Spottedleaf. *cue Hyrule Warriors cutsene music* *activate female narrator voice from Hyrule Warriors*

"Your destiny leads to greatness, Handsomehandsome," the soft voice whispered. She sounded like the majestic voice from the Hyrule Warriors cut scenes. "However, this greatness does not come from controlling your fellow Clan cats. There are scars in the forest and beside the lake, Handsomehandsome, who will attempt to take over the Clans using their dark forces. In other words, the cats exiled from ThunderClan are plotting revenge. They've turned evil," Spottedleaf said regretfully. "Tell Birchstar you are leaving on a quest. You must go to each Clan, gain their trust, and set out to find the Clan traitors."

"There's more than ThunderClan traitors?" He asked.

"Every Clan has them. Lionblaze and Leafpool and the other cats exiled have many connections." Spottedleaf seemed to sigh

"Spottedleaf," He was about to ask a question about Jayfeather, his biological father, but the StarClan medicine cat had already dissipated from his conscious leaving his head more empty than usual.


	30. The WEDDING!

**Chapter 30 of this scum-worthy story titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomehandsome padded back through the forest towards the camp with the heavy-weighted words of his StarClan anscestors in his head. He slipped through the bramble entrance. Birchstar was there waiting for him with a thrush.

"I don't think you've really eaten much your entire life," Birchstar noticed as he gave his deputy the feathery bird.

"Thanks, I guess," Handsomehandsome threw it over his shoulder. It landed on the thorny wall behind him. Its wings caught on the branches. Suddenly Lilykit and Seedkit, who had been starved because they refused to eat anything but cake and icecream, raced out of the nursery, used Birchstar as a launching pad, and flung themselves into the thorns to fetch the thrush.

They crashed through the entrance wall, luckily able to snag the prey on their way out, and landed outside the camp. From inside the camp, the ThunderClan cats could hear the kits wailing as a ShadowClan ambush kitnapped them and took them back to their own Clan.

"It's a good thing the ShadowClanners didn't ambush you, Handsomehandsome," Sorreltail laughed nervously as she padded past the toms and left the camp in hope of maybe getting the kits back.

"It would have been awful if it had been you!" Foxleap agreed, waving his tail at the handsome tom from the nursery.

"I'll be over there in a minute," Handsomehandsome reassured his fiancee. He turned to Birchstar and said: "I must speak to you privately."

"Yes, of course. Let's go to my den," Birchstar meowed with a nod.

As they climbed up the Highledge, the eight-lived leader realized that his new den was once home to three leaders before him, and two of those leaders were dead. What a great thought to start off his leadership!

In the shade of the rocky ledge, Handsomehandsome explained to Birchstar what he experienced by the lake. He told him about the prophecy and what Spotted leaf instructed him to do.

Bichstar nodded thoughtfully when his deputy was done. "You must leave on your quest at once. You shall remain my deputy, but I will have another warrior at my side while you are away."

"Good, but I could be gone for moons!" Handsomehandsome said.

Ferncloud appeared. "Then you better get married now."

"Now?" The two toms meowed.

"Now," the queen nodded.

She snapped her claws and instantly the drab stone camp was fully decorated complete with pale pink cherry blossoms fluttering into the breeze from the sky.

Handsomehandsome looked at the camp from the Highledge. The floor was completely covered in white roses imported from the Capitol. The nursery was replaced with the pulpit- a large twig-woven arc speckled with tiny wildflowers.

Chairs were set up in front of the pulpit. Each had a small goodybag resting in the seat, though they were probably filled with mouse bile and lavender sticks.

The ThunderClan cats were gathered beneath the Highledge where a long table with a white cloth draped over it stood. It had platters of bite-sized sandwiches, kawaii cartons of sushi, and a big bowl of Apfelsaft, which Molepaw eagerly spiked with honey he stole from the medicine cat's den. At the end of the table was a small fountain gushing with delicious creamy white stuff. Creamy white chocolate that is.

But Foxleap was nowhere to be seen. Brightheart waved up at Handsomehandsome from the warriors den. She holding fabrics and swatches, so apparently our one-eyed heroin is a seamstress.

She led the groom into the den which was littered with rolls of cloths, pins, and half-eaten prey.

Handsomehandsome stood up on his hind legs on her stool and immediately Brighheart began measure his length. Of his waist.

"99 in by 99 in..." Bright heart scribbled his sizes down on her notebook.

"You don't know how to measure do you?" He sighed, sitting down glumfully.

"I take an opportunity when I get one," she winked.

The tomcat's face twisted into an expression of horror and disgust. "Just make my suit," he snarled.

"Okay, so I think a dark blue would match your fur tone. We don't want black because we don't want to hit cliché's rock bottom." She showed him midnight blue fabric that was stitched with sequins and a swatch of royal blue that glittered like Silverpelt.

"The royal blue," he pointed.

In just a few moments he was fitted into a sparkly blue tux complete with a silver bowtie.

"Go get ready! And don't go looking for your bride. It's bad luck to see him in her dress before the ceremony,"

"That's a myth made up by old nursery queens," he rolled his cyan eyes which, may I add, fabulously complimented his new suit.

* * *

Later

Handsomehandsome stood at the pulpit by the officiant. His paws were sweaty and he attempted to wipe them off but it only made them sparklier.

Behind him were his groomstoms: Birchstar, who was best tom, Berrynose, Gaystripe, and that other guy whom is always forgotten. Across the pulpit, where Foxleap wasn't, the queensmaids stood anxiously in their pink dresses. The queen of honor was Whitewing (who does not know of Birchstar's love for Gaystripe). The other queensmaids were a Bumblestripe-less Dovewing, Rosepetal, and an ice sculpture of Icecloud since his beloved sister couldn't find the time to come to her own brother's wedding.

The Clan turned around in their seats when Foxleap entered the camp. Handsomehandsome gasped. He was beautiful. He was wearing a long scarlet dress that turned blue and purple as it dragged along the rose-covered ground. Holding his arm was Ferncloud, since his father Dustpelt had been exiled long ago.

The flowerkit, Lilykit, threw the wilted daisies at everyone angrily. Sorreltail removed her from the aisel when she began to claw at the end of the dress.

Handsomehandsome couldn't see his amber eyes from under his silver veil, but he could tell Foxleap was brimming with delight. The bride stepped up onto the pulpit and Ferncloud sat down in her seat.

Foxleap's veil was lifted. He was practically glowing.

"Friends, family, acquaintances, and the dearly hated," the officiant meowed, and the wedding music being performed by the angrily blind Jayfeather, ceased. "We are gathered here today to witness the painfully blissful marriage between Foxleap and Handsomehandsome." She meowed as if she was exhaling a long sigh.

"Can you lighten things up, Grumpycat?" Birchstar whispered.

"No," she meowed, her mouth turned in an upside down 'V'. "Blah blah blah watch my movie, blah blah do you have your vows?"

"Yes, I will go first," Foxleap nodded. "Handsomehandsome, I love you, but so does everyone else," a few she-cats and toms nodded regretfully from their seats. "You are the father of thousands of kits, but I know you will treat us like we are your only ones in the world,"

"Awww!1!12!1" de cats mwed frum der seets, butt Gleamstarkitpaw and Obsidinwing wer lik, "Noooo!1!12!1 Handsumhndsome! We wuv you and we as so much mor kawaii~!1!"

"Make it stop!" Gaystripe whispered with his paws clasped over his ears. Birchstar looked back at him and held his paw comfortingly.

"Shut up I need to get out of here and make more memes." Grumpycat meowed. "And stop writing like you're two moons old. You look like complete idiots in your mary-sue pelts."

"Don't you know how to have fun?" Obsidianwing growled.

"I had fun once," Grumpycat said. "And it was awful."

Handsomehandsome proceeded to say his vows which were made up on the spot, but were most certainly true, "I love you more than everyone loves me combined. I plan to be your faithful husband until the end of time, which according to the Mayan Calendars, was two years ago! So forget time! I will love you fiveever!"

"Blah blah blah, do you take this tom to be your StarClanfully wedded wife?" Grumpycat asked the groom.

"Haaaiiilll yeah,"

"Do you, Foxleap, take this gary-stu as your husband guy?"

"I do,"

"Then kiss each other," Grumpycat said. "Get a room first, lovebirds." She meowed before padding away to a different internet page.

Handsomehandsome kissed Foxleap on the lips which cause millions of cats and fangirls everywhere to scream and cry in pain, jealousy, and in the emotions and feelings you get one your ship comes true.

Then, suddenly, Foxleap began to scream!

"The kits are coming!"

* * *

_A\N: My StarClan is this long. Well, Foxleap is going to kit. Go to my page and vote for kit names or suggest to in the reviews or PM me._

_I hope you liked the wedding. It was fun to write, but it was awful._


	31. Da Kits are Borned!

**Chapter 31 of our completely 100% 'merican-made fan fiction story titled "Tom"**

* * *

With the snap of a claw, Ferncloud had the camp reverted back to normal, except for the chocolate fountain which was set to stay.

Instantly, the pulpit was transformed back to the nursery. As Foxleap felt the contractions painfully wrack his body, he hobbled into the den and flopped onto the nearest new, squishing the kits already sitting there.

Jayfeather rushed in with Handsomehandsome right behind him.

"I'm in so much pain!" He cried.

"Duh," Jayfeather rolled his pale, blind eyes at him.

"Shut up, DAD," Handsomehandsome growled, cuffing his father over his head with a blue paw.

"This is no time for our family issues. I have no idea how a tom gives birth!" The silver tabby hissed.

Foxleap's tail curled as he felt the kits begin to go through his birthing canal. "Jayfeather, they're going through my-"

"Wait," Handsomehandsome interuppted. "Jayfeather, why haven't you given him borage?"

"Where are they gonna suckle?"

The anxiety of the three toms began to escalate. As a kit, Handsomehandsome had no problem being around nothing queens, but this was his wife! He could've cared less if Sandstorm had died, but Foxleap was very special to him.

Foxleap's lower regions contracted in pain. Jayfeather's knowledgeable mind began to melt. Sweat dripped off of Handsomehandsome's body. Obsidianwing and Gleamstar squealed like apprentices.

"Oh my, like, StarClan," the two she-cats gasped as they stared at his wet body. "He's hotter than Sol and Blackstar combined!"

Foxleap began to scream. "You're all filthy fox-hearted flea-brains!"

And at that very moment, the birthing complications began.

"He needs a ceasarean section!" Jayfeather exclaimed after quickly placing a paw on the pregnant tom's abdomen. "Fetch Lionblaze. He has the longest claws."

"Lionblaze was exiled."

"I forgot," Jayfeather cursed himself silently. "Dovewing!"

The pale she-cat entered the nursery.

"You're a germaphobe, so you're claws are cleanest, and you can see things that we can't see from here," Jayfeather said to her.

"Are you saying I need to perform a c-section?!" She gasped.

"We can have Hollyleaf do it. She did it for Gleamstar." Jayfeather said sarcastically.

"Fine! Move," she pushed the other cats away.

Foxleap's eyes squeezed shut as her sharp little claws sliced through his belly with presicion. Two eggs fell out into the nest. Their shells were covered in bloody slime.

"We need to stitch him back up!" Dovewing cried.

Then Brightheart came to the rescue. Luckily she was a seamstress so she had a threaded needle ready. As quick as she came, she sowed up his belly and pulled the string tight.

"Good as new," she meowed.

Foxleap sighed in relief. He began to lick his kits, but then he realized that they were eggs! Like, like, like bird eggs!

"How are we going to name them?" Handsomehandsome asked, gazing at Foxleap's eggs with curiosity and interest.

"What if they don't hatch?" Foxleap asked the better question. "What if they're not even cats?"

Sighing, Foxleap curled his fluffy tail around the round eggs. The newlywed husband and wife were left alone in the nursery finally.

Handsomehandsome purred and nuzzled Foxleap's neck. Handsomehandsome laid down by Foxleap. The handsome tom tickled the tabby's flank with his whiskers. Was this happiness? Love?

"Look," Foxleap's amber eyes widened. "The eggs are beautiful. I didn't notice till now."

One of the eggs was sparkling like a gem. It was purple like an amethyst. The other egg was dark and it didn't sparkle and it didn't look like a jewel.

Handsomehandsome's heart was in flight with joy.

"When they hatch we'll name them. These will be the most gorgeous kits in the history of the Clans." He said this as wholeheartedly as he could to Foxleap. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he smiled.

Handsomehandsome sighed and pressed his nose into his wife's fluffy fur. "But... I have to tell you something."

"What?" Foxleap looked at him.

"It's not like that!" He said quickly. "Bramblestar told me yesterday that I was born with a prophecy from StarClan. I have to leave on a quest and rid the lakeside Clans of our exiled warriors."

"I understand. Please hurry Handsomehandsome. Our kits need both their fathers." The red tabby pressed his muzzle against his husband's cheek. "Leave, please, now."

"Foxleap-"

"Leave!" The queen demanded.

Wounded, Handsomehandsome left the nursery and the camp. It was time to embark on his quest to clean the forest of its scars.


	32. Assk

"Guten morgen, ladies and gentleboys of fanfictionLand," Handsomehandsome, who can apparently speak German now, says to the camera. "We are here today to answer the questions you've been wondering about since my birth. Foxleap and I will gladly take your questions and comments in and examine each carefully if they are posted to this chapter or any chapter as long as you let us know it's a question for us."

"For example," Foxleap says, "You could ask why I gave birth to eggs instead of kits." He holds the purple egg and the dark egg carefully in his lap.

"Or," Birchstar appears on the set and pipes up, "You can ask me or Whitewing about my affairs!"

"What affairs?" A white she-cat growls from backstage.

"Financial affairs," Birchstar meows quickly.

"Good coverup," Handsomehandsome rolls his cyan eyes.

Foxleap turns to his husband. "I will never let you get away with that."

"I know, and I won't even try," he says as he pulls in his wife to cuddle.

* * *

So there you have it. Post a question to it's respective chapter or dump them all here on this chapter, but make sure you let me know it's meant for this, so maybe a 'This question is for Foxleap: Blah blah blah"

I'll answer any questions after we've had if five or ten questions submitted. The replies of our beloved characters will be posted in a chapter or two spending on how fast you faithful readers bombard their limited capacity minds with brain-blowing queries.

Have a grande 2015 full of love, creativity, and writing!


	33. Lakeslasher the Rogue

Chapter 33 of an ever-changing trollfic titled "vduhnsakoaiudbhuwka"

Handsomehandsome sat in the Sky Oak gazing across the lake. "Spottedleaf told me to find ThunderClan's exiled warriors," he said to himself. "That's Lionblaze, Leafpool, Dustpelt, and Firestar. Spottedleaf also said that a few warriors from the other Clans joined them, and they all need to be defeated. I wonder who the traitors are. All four Clans will fall if I don't protect them all."

"Omg, you just rhymed!" A squirrel with the head of Squirrelstar pointed and launched at the treed cat.

"What the heck?" He titled his head at the peculiar peice of prey.

"Omg, like, yeah, I am, like, the reincarnation or your fake mom!" The squirrel bounced up and down the branch excitedly.

Handsomehandsome snarled in disgust.

"Like, what? Too cool for you?" The squirrel chattered quickly. "Huh? Huh? Yeah, that's right! I'm too school for cool! Booyah!"

The squirrel folded its arms and fell backwards off the limb. An eagle swooped in from the sky, caught it, and flew off.

"Alrighty then," Handsomehandsome rolled his eyes.

He proceeded to climb up to the top of the Sky Oak and sit on the highest boughs of the leafy canopy.

"If I'm going to get rid of these traitors, the scars, I can't just be a ThunderClan warrior. I can't belong to a single Clan." Then, with realization, Handsomehandsome made a decision. "Like the scars of the Clan I must become a rogue. Or whatever I guess."

Then Spottedleaf said into his head, "Everycat knows you, so you might want a disguise. You know, like the Sheik to Zelda."

"Fine, so you just want me to change my appearance and gender?" He meowed sarcastically.

"Pfft, you don't have a gender, but yeah, change your appearance!" The dead cat growled telepathically.

Handsomehandsome looked up at the sky. "I don't have a gender...?" He looked down. "You lie,"

Frustrated, Spottedleaf leapt from the sun (since it's the only star out during the day) and whacked our beloved tomcat over the head with his father's stick.

Dazed, Handsomehandsome shook his head. He gasped as he looked down at his pelt. Spottedleaf had changed his luxurious golden pelt to a fiery ginger.

"I know Firestar is evil, but anycat can look great in bright ginger!" She purred.

His blue paws, tail-tip, ears, and muzzle-blaze turned dark purple like the night sky if it was purple instead of blue. He tried to see what color his eyes were, but alas he failed to gaze into his own eyes.

"They're still blue," the starry Spottedleaf meowed. "Your eye color will always stay the same, except for your power form which turned your eyes ruby-red."

"Cyan," he corrected her. "My eyes are cyan."

"Whatever!" She flicked his nose with a claw. She turned around and went back up into StarClan. "Just hurry up and fulfill your prophecy!" The she-cat yelled before leaping off into the fiery rays of sunshine.

Handsomehandsome puffed out his chest and looked past the distant horizon. His new orange-purple pelt gave him a new air of arrogance around him. Then he remembered something else. He needed an alias! A new name to match his new pelt!

"Hmm," his cyan eyes were glowing like the moon while he thought up a good rogue name. "Violet? No. Bone? No. Scourge? Naw. Oh! How about Lakeslasher!"

Handsomehandsome smiled, for he was too brilliant. The rays of light reflected off his perfect teeth and dazzling pelt, momentarily blinding the Clan cats. The felines stumbled around blindly, not even realizing where the abrasive light originated from.

"I am Lakeslasher!" He announced from atop the tree, though the blinded cats could not hear him.

The newly named Lakeslasher climbed down the tree and raced towards WindClan where surely there were traitors betraying the warrior code.

_I'm_ _so_ _rogue_, he thought to himself as he dashed through the forest.


	34. Ashes of Breezepelt

**Chapter 34**

Lakeslasher stood at the edge of the border where WindClan and ThunderClan separated. From the tree line the purple-orange cat could see dark figures moving across the plains. They were traitors and needed to be disposed of! If they weren't... well... that's too bad for them.

As quick as a camera flash, Lakeslasher had sprinted towards them, launched off from a clump of grass, and was soaring towards them with paws outstretched.

The three dark cats were Nightcloud, Crowfeather, and Breezepelt.

He landed right in front of Crowfeather. "Are you three traitors?" He snarled.

"Nuh," the gray tom replied, his blue eyes sagging.

"Please excuse my father," Breezepelt sighed. "He had too much catnip."

"Nuh uh," Crowfeather shook his head in over exaggerated swings.

Lakeslasher sighed and pushed aside the limp, old tom with a single paw. "Well? What are you three doing outside of your camp?"

"You're not the boss of us!" Nightcloud meowed in her shrilly voice. "You're new to the Clans aren't you? I've never seen you before, but you do look familiar."

Lakeslasher narrowed his eyes at the old queen. "I'm nocat you know." He hissed. "Are you, or are you not, traitors of WindClan?"

"You could say that," Crowfeather replied slowly. "I have like four mates... Feathertail... Leafpool... Snowbird... Duh, uh, that ugly thing right here..."

"I'm not ugly!" Nightcloud growled. "We're just solving some family issues. Best to do it out of camp."

Lakeslasher lashed his tail irritably. "You expect me to believe that dung?"

Breezepelt bit his lip. "Okay! Okay! You caught me. I'm the WindClan traitor. Not my mom and dad; they're too stupid. Leafpool came through the camp last night. I was the only one up. Well, others were up but they were eating catnip with my dad."

Lakeslasher cast a glare at Nightcloud. The queen glared back at him, but then she herded Crowfeather back to camp. Alone with Breezepelt, he began to question the tom harshly.

"Okay, Breezepelt, how many other traitors are in WindClan?" He said, getting up in the tom's face aggressively.

The lanky tom jerked back. "Hey, you're not allowed on our territory! If you want information, let's go somewhere more private."

If Lakeslasher wanted to stay under the radar with the innocent Clan cats, he would have to interrogate the traitors privately. No need to alert anyone, right?

Breezepelt willingly let Lakeslasher lead him to the tunnels under WindClan territory.

"How many traitors are in WindClan?" Lakeslasher asked again once they crawled into the hole.

In the musty light, Breezepelt sighed. "Just me. I promise."

"Do you know the traitors of the other Clans?" He asked.

Then suddenly Lakeslasher felt Breezepelt's lips upon his own.

"You look like Handsomehandsome, my one true love," the WindClan traitor purred. "Your eyes..."

Lakeslasher's heart stopped. "How dare you!" He roared. "This is for Foxleap!"

With one swipe he killed Breezepelt. The tomcat burst into flames and began to smolder into a pile of ash.

"One traitor down," he growled. His voice echoed in the darkness.

Then the strong bounty hunter crumpled and fell to the cold earth of the tunnels. He began to cry like a kitten.

"I'm sorry, Foxleap," he sobbed. "I'm sorry..."

Then when dusk fell the rogue stood up, wiped his eyes, kicked the ash into the ground, and began to race across the moors toward RiverClan.


	35. Who is he?

Chapter 35 of chjskajosowkmsolake

* * *

Lakeslasher arrived at the edge of RiverClan camp undetected. He had disposed of the one and only traitor of WindClan, but he hadn't found any of the ThunderClan traitors.

"Sneezepaw, Copperpaw," A warrior meowed to the two apprentices. "Did you get the stuff?"

"Achoo!" Sneezepaw replied.

"Good," the warrior nodded. "Where did you hide it?"

"Achoo!" The apprentice told him.

"Thank you, Sneezepaw. You two go get Havenpaw and meet the others on the island tonight."

The small RiverClanners scurried away, and the big tomcat mumbled something to quiet for Lakeslasher to hear.

Who is this RiverClan traitor?!


	36. Answers Part One

**Chapter 36**

Ask the Cast with Askance Eyes

* * *

All the characters in Handsomehandsome's lovely story were sitting together on a long sofa with a plain white backdrop draped behind. Darkstripe and Clawface were filming the event. The cast crew were to answer questions sent by their fans. Yay?

**Obsidianwing and Gleamstar**

"Let's let the mary-sues go first," Darkstripe meowed. He was holding the stack of card questions for the Tom cast.

"Omigosh!" The two mary-sues squealed. "A question for us?! We are, like, so popular! Kawaii~"

"Here you are," Brackenfur passed them down to them. His fur was flushed hot as he gazed into Gleamstar's rainbow/molting orange eyes.

"Omigosh!" The purple she-cat screamed. "Are you molestraeping me?!"

"No! No!" Brackenfur shook his head wildly.

Obsidianwing cuffed her companion across the head and read the question outloud to the camera:

_I have some questions! I want to ask Stargleam and Obsidianwing two things. 1) Are you best friends now? 2) Out of all your mates, who's your favorite?_

_\- Starburstkitty_

"Well, Starburstkitty," Gleamstar growled. "I has a few bones to pick with, like, you before I, like, answer those questions. First off, you totally stole my name. And second, my name is not Stargleam anymore! It's Gleamstar!1!1"

"Anyway," Obsidianwing rolled her forest green eyes and flicked her purple-tipped ears. "I am not friends with that pussycat Stargleam."

"Gleamstar!" She shrieked. "Gleamstar!"

"I hang out with her 'cause, like, suzies got to stick together? AIR?" Obsidianwing mewed.

"Like, what does AIR mean?"

"Am I right?"

"IDK."

"Let's answer that other question," she reminded Gleamstar. "My favorite mate? Icewing and Sol! Sol was such a hot, smexy vampire! Oh, but Leopardstar was cool too! She was sooo OOC with her white fur and red eyes!"

"I had soo many mates! I wuv them all! There was Gaystripe, Hawkyfrost, Assfur, Blackstar, and Jazzsong! My fav was Firestar though! He really liked my shoulder!" Gleamstar gushed, looking over at the embarrassed leader.

Obsidianwing rolled her eyes again. "Whale, we still have another question."

"I want to read it!" The over-prophesized cat whined. She took the card from Obsidianwing and read it to the camera:

_Starkit and Obsidianwing: So... How's it going there in Sue Land?_

_\- IslaTheIcePrincess_

"What the fuzzy!" Gleamstar screeched. "My name is GLEAMSTAR! Gosh! I'm no a kit anymooooore!"

"Quiet down or you get a timeout!" A voice sounding an awful lot like Dawnsparkle hissed from behind set.

"Sorry, Mommy!" She replied, crossing her arms.

"Well, IslaTheIcePrincess," Obsidianwing decided to go ahead and reply to the question already. "Sue Land is undergoing some serious renovation which is why we're staying with ThunderClan until the season's over."

**Goldenflower**

"Here you are, Mum," Bramblestar leaned past Rowanstar to hand the queen her card.

"Thanks, Brambly-pooh," she pinched his cheek before accepting the card.

"Mommmm!" The tabby protested. "Not on Clanwide TV!"

Goldenflower chuckled at her son's embarrassment. "Sorry, Brams."

She flipped over the card and read the question:

_Is Longtail really Bramblestar's father?_

_\- batgirl1234_

Goldenflower flicked her yellow-gold eyes at the camera. "Two words, children: yes."

Bramblestar practically hurled himself off the couch. "Are you serious?!"

Then the other cats began to chime in.

"He looks just like Tigerstar!" Firestar exclaimed.

"If Hawkfrost really isn't his brother, then why do they look alike too?" Breezepelt meowed.

"I look nothing like Longtail," Tawnypelt said passively.

"Quiet down!" Goldenflower hissed. "All will be revealed.

"It all started when Firestar first joined ThunderClan. His name had been Rusty back then. Longtail, the young brash warrior that he had been, challenged the young kittypet and attacked him."

The said ginger tomcat buried his face in his paws.

Goldenflower continued. "Somehow Longtail only made Bluestar's decision to recruit Rusty even clearer. That's when I fell in love with Longtail. He was an amazing fighter."

"He lost to a kittypet!" Mistystar howled in laughter.

"He was blinded with arrogance and fury, so of course he was lacking skill at the time," the queen brushed off the RiverClanner's comment. "Anyway, I used to have feelings for Tigerstar, but I really liked Longtail much more."

"Then why does Bramblestar look just like him?" Rosepetal asked. "They say he's exactly like him in appearance!"

"Exactly alike in looks," Firestar nodded.

Goldenflower took a long look at the cats who had seen Tigerstar when he was alive, which includes, but is not limited to: Sandstorm, Firestar, Gaystripe, Rowanstar, Mistystar, Bluestar, Onestar, Ferncloud, Dustpelt, Bramblestar, Gleamstar, Brindleface, Spottedleaf, and Tawnypelt.

"I can explain that step by step," she growled. "Bramblestar is a tabby. Yes, Tigerstar is also a tabby but so am I and Longtail. His dark brown pelt comes from the combination of gray and gold. He gets his amber eyes from my mother, Speckletail. Like Lionheart, my brother, he has the same broad shoulders and big build from our father, who we do not take mention of in public. The fact that he looks like Tigerstar is a coincidence. What makes this funny is that he actually thought he and Tawnypelt were his kits! Longtail knew the whole time, but if he corrected that flea-bag he would have been flayed."

Bramblestar looked up at the ceiling with closed eyes. "Thank you, StarClan! My father is in StarClan with you, and he is not actually a completely murderous turd-face in the Dark Forest!"

**Foxleap**

"Here, sweetheart," Handsomehandsome handed the two cards to his wife, Foxleap.

"Thank you, honey," he smiled, giving him a kiss.

"Ohmigosh!" Gleamstar screamed. "You're breaking the ten Eleven Commandments! You're going to go to SatanClan!"

"She's just jelly," Gaystripe laughed.

"Am not!" The sue retorted. "I have lots of mates as previously stated!1!"

"Quiet, please," Foxleap mewed cutely. "Don't startle my kits."

"Look, brah," Berrynose clicked his tongue. "Dem kits are froggin' EGGS!"

"I don't see you happily married with kits!" Handsomehandsome defended his wife.

"I am married!" The bobtailed tom retorted. "I have kits."

"The key word was happily," Gaystripe meowed, flicking his gaze between Berrynose and Birchstar. Why Birchstar? Duh!

"I am going to read now," Foxleap mewed quietly to the arguing cats. He clutched his purple and brown eggs tightly as the other felines continued to quarrelled. "Quiet please. Shut up. Shut up! SHUT THE FLUP UP, YOU MAGGOT-BITTEN RAT-TONGUES."

And the arguing ceased.

"Thank you," Foxleap smiled.

"I love how you handled that," Handsomehandsome grinned.

Foxleap shrugged and began to read his cards:

_Foxleap, didn't you die in Dovewing's Silence or something?_

_\- Amberfoot7_

The red-brown tom snarled at the camera. "Look honey, do you see dis face? Do I look dead to y'all? You are either crazeh, blind, or jelly of my looks. Seriously though, how could I die in Dovewing's Silence? That girl never shuts up. And Bramblestar died before a Storm anyway, so no. I haven't died according to chapter two."

He closed his amber eyes and shook his head. He held up the next card and read it aloud:

_So, um, why did you give birth to eggs?_

_-IslaTheIcePrincess_

"Well, Icepidgeon," he sighed, misprouncing their name. "I gave birth to eggs because of a few reasons. First is that I'm a dude. I gave up my eggs to have eggs if ya know what I mean. Secondly, I needed to get these little guys out of my belly before Handsomehandsome left on his quest, but we couldn't reveal their genders, pelts, or names and yet and it was a way to give us more time. Third, it's what Icecloud would have wanted."

"Where is Icecloud by the way?" Lionblaze asked.

"She declined taking a role for Tom because she's busy working at Ravenpaw's Café. She couldn't even come to my wedding," Foxleap sighed. "What do you care?"

"Never mind," Lionblaze muttered.

"Okay, now everyone shut up," Darkstripe meowed. "End of part one. We continue filming tomorrow."

"Have you ever noticed Clawface's eyes?" Spottedleaf whispered to Cinderheart. "He's never looking into his camera screen."

"You're right!" The gray she-cat exclaimed. "He's staring at Darkstripe's tush!"

"Lolololol!" They giggled as they exited the set.

* * *

Well, last chance to send in questions before part two!


	37. Catsup

**Chapter 37 of this stuff**

* * *

Lakeslasher hid in the reeds and observed the tomcat from behind. He had blue-gray fur and bright blue eyes. The way he trudged about camp ordering the RiverClanners what to do made the rogue understand that he was an important figure in the Clan.

Gasping, the orange-purple cat realized that the tom was Mistystar!

"Mistystar!" He leapt from his hiding place. "You are a traitor!"

The tomcat snarled at Lakeslasher, "Leafpool didn't tell me about you, but I have to destroy you now!" Then Mistystar swiveled around and hissed at Sneezepaw and Copperpaw. "Run to the other Clans and get the renegades to the island."

The two apprentices ran from camp sneezing all the way to ShadowClan. Lakeslasher began to dash after them to stop them from alerting the other rogues and traitors, but he had Mistystar to deal with.

With a roar as loud as a leopard's fart, he launched himself at the tomcat with unsheathed claws. He took Mistystar by surprise.

Lakeslahser had him pinned down. "Mistystar," he growled. "Prepare to feel the wrath of StarClan!"

"Wait, stranger!" Another blue-gray cat yowled from the nearby creek. "Wait!"

Lakeslasher kept his throat on Mistystar's throat as the other cat approached.

"That's not Mistystar!" She panted. "That's Stonefur!"

"Stonefur?" Lakeslasher narrowed his eyes. "Are you both traitors?"

"No! No one in RiverClan are traitors," she mewed.

"You're wrong, Mistystar!" Stonefur said with a strangled hiss. "I am a traitor! So are the apprentices. Leafpool came to us last night. She tried to convince us to betray you. It didn't work until Hawkfrost's spirit appeared and he tried to kill us until we succumbed."

"But you're already dead. That was like four arcs ago," Lakeslasher laughed.

"Whatever. That has no plot or point in this story!" Stonefur hissed.

"Fine, but I have to kill you now," the rogue shrugged.

"NNOOOOOO!1!11!" Mistystar screeched.

But the rogue had already slashed out the throat of Stonefur, effectively killing him for the last time. It was so gory I can't even described it, but I will!

Hot, sticky blood gushed out his throat like a thick, red waterfall. The gurgled strangles of the dying tom induced projectile vomit from the innocent passerbies. His eardrums burst and red blood shot out from his ears like a Nerf gun! Then ketchup drained from his eyes and tasted oh so good.

Then Stonefur's heart stopped, and with his last strangled breath, he turned into a hot dog.

"That's why he always cried ketchup," Mistystar realized. "We're low on fresh-kill, so thank you, stranger."

"My name is Jeff." Lakeslasher corrected her.

"Okay,"

And then the rogue skipped away merrily to take down the apprentices and other traitors of the Clan.


	38. Answers Part Two

**Chapter** **38 of this gary-stuish trollfic!**

* * *

Answers for your toilet cornucopias. Let's go plum-figgling!

* * *

**Ferncloud**

Birchstar handed the card to his mother Ferncloud.

"Oh, I didn't think I would get a card!" She mewed. "After all, I wasn't nominated as upcoming protagonist in Tansy's Next Big Thing."

"It's okay," Bluestar reassured her. "Some queens will never be in the spotlight."

"I've done so much for ThunderClan," the dappled she-cat sighed and a few kits fell onto the sofa. "Frostkit and Robinkit," she named them. She held up her card and read aloud:

_Dear Ferncloud,_

_How is it possible for you to have so many kits? I'm pretty sure you have the record for the most kits in a single litter. Please, tell us your secret!_

_Sincerely, Guestpersonanonymous (a.k.a GP)_

"Well, GP," Ferncloud looked into the camera with her green eyes. "After the first three hundred kits it's become so easy I barely notice. The secret behind it all is botox. Lots and lots of botox!"

"Ha ha, yeah!" Kim Kardashian wrapped her arm around Ferncloud's shoulders. "That's my girl!"

* * *

**Foxleap 2**

"More?" Foxleap's amber eyes widened as his brother Birchstar passed down another question card. "Thanks!"

He read it to the camera:

_Handsomehandsome and Foxleap, have you ever eaten Nutella? If not you should try it._

_\- Amberfoot7_

"Nutella?" Foxleap looked over at Handsomehandsome.

"Oh," the tom laughed. "I love Nutella! It's this awesome hazelnut stuff manufactured by the Italian company Ferrero. Ah yes, with waffles is Nutella at its best! Its nutty goodness is grows in Oregon, where the weirdest city lives. Keep Portland weird!" Handsomehandsome pumped his fist. He turned to his wife. "I'll buy some Nutella and we can spend our mornings with the kids eating toast slithered in it before we send them off to school."

Foxleap grinned. "Sounds wonderful."

He then read the next one:

_Will the colors of the eggs look like the kits' pelts?_

_\- CinderPeltLover_

Foxleap titled his head in thought. "No, not exactly. They wont be purple and gray. The funny thing is that you've read the (almost) exact description of what one of them will look like and you have actually seen a picture for the other."

"Spoilers: just check Sivillian's avater!" Handsomehandsome whispered.

"Shh!" Foxleap hissed at him. "Anyway, here's the last one."

_Foxleap...will you please name one of your kits Reedkit? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaassseeeee?_

_\- Reedflight22_

"Heh," Foxleap smiled. "No, but since you asked, there will be a very important character with Reed as a prefix in the future. Spoilers: there will be a sequel!"

* * *

**Birchstar**

"Here you go, Birchy-wirchy," Gaystripe purred as he handed the tabby tom his question card.

"Thanks, Gaystripe," he blushed.

His wife, Whitewing, smiled at Birchstar. "You got a card! Nice!"

"Yeah, it is nice," Birchstar said awkwardly.

"Are you going to read it?" She meowed.

"Yeah..." He flicked his ears.

"It's okay, Birchy," Gaystripe put a paw on his shoulder. "Read it to the camera loud and proud!"

Birchstar smiled and gazed into his yellow eyes for a moment. He looked at the camera and read it aloud:

_Birchstar, how do you feel about Gaystripe?_

_-Pokesnail_

Birchstar blushed furiously. He looked at the gray tabby with a warm gaze. Then he looked back at Whitewing.

"That's a silly question!" She cackled.

Birchstar bit his lip. "I will only answer if Whitewing is behind set and can't hear."

"Fine! But you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight!" She growled before padding away to join the offset cats.

"I always sleep on the couch," he sighed.

Birchstar looked out into space with a sad stare. Gaystripe tapped his shoulders, bringing him back to the present. Birchstar smiled at the tabby once more. He remembered his question and considered it carefully. He locked eyes with Gaystripe while he answered.

"I love Gaystripe. He's my friend, my Clanmate, my true love, and I hope one day I can marry him."

"Awwwwww!" All of the cats mewed.

"I feel the same way," Gaystripe purred. "Let's divorce Millie and Whitewing! Then finally we can live happily!"

After his daughter Briarlight was injured his wife Millie never paid any attention to him or their other two kits. Whitewing was always nagging and demanding of Birchstar especially when he took on the role as ThunderClan leader. Both toms were unhappy. But now things could be different!

"Let's wait until after the story is over," Birchstar grinned. "We're busy as it is with filming going on."

"Yeah! I don't care how long we have to wait! Later is better than never!" Gaystripe exclaimed.

Both tomcats felt relieved and happy to get their feelings out. Whitewing padded back on set with a beeeeyatchy look on her face. Birchstar frowned at what he was going endure later that night. Gaystripe held his paw when Whitewing sat down. It made him feel better.

* * *

**Ivypool**

The gray tabby was sitting at the edge of the sofa. She sighed as the rest of the cast answered questions asked by viewers and had a great time being remembered and wrote about and appreciated. Did she get a card? No. Did she get a superpower? No. Did she get a mate, even if it wasn't true love? No. Her sister had Bumblestripe, super sight, Tigerheart, and their parents notice her. Ivypool felt alone while Dovewing shared the spotlight.

Jayfeather prodded her arm roughly. "Hey," He held a card out to her.

Her face lit up sheer shock and happiness. "A card!"

She hastily took it from the blind medicine cat and read it happily to the camera:

_Ivypool, how did you die?_

_\- batgirl1234_

"Batgirl1234, I love you!" She waved to the camera and blew a kiss. "You noticed me! Well, I'll gladly tell you how I ended up in StarClan!"

Then the other cats began to whisper.

"Who is she?"

"Is that, like, Mousewhisker as a girl or what?"

"Wasn't she on Cherry Springstep's dating show Luggage? Her secret was something like she ate her own dirt or whatever?"

"Ugh! Shut the flup up!" Ivypool screamed.

They all looked down at their paws.

"My parents ignored me as a kit. It was always about Dovekit! She looked just like Mom!" She said, glaring at Whitewing and her sister. "And Dovewing is sooo special!" She meowed sarcastically. "She got a superpower specially chosen from StarClan! And she's a reincarnation of an Ancient! The Clan only paid attention to her! I had to be a stupid spy and do all the hardwork! Did I get a reward? Did I get to have a mate in ThunderClan and one in ShadowClan? No! I rotted away in my nest waiting for someone to wake me up for patrols. Nope!

"Did Dad ever notice me? No! It was all Dovewing for my parents! Did Foxleap notice me? No! He got married! Did Lionblaze notice me? No! He has Cinderheart? Will Jayfeather notice me? No! He has Half Moon, Briarlight, and he's blind. Plus, he's a cynical rat-heart!"

"Yeah, can we get Silverhawk in here?" Darkstripe radio'd in a body guard.

The silver Dark Forest tom who had trained Crookedstar and Thistleclaw trudged in the set and flung the screaming tabby over his shoulder. He took her to the unknown and quickly the other cats forgot about her.

* * *

**Handsomehandsome**

"Ahhh! Finally!" The tom grinned. "Yes, I am the handsomest cat ever, and I finally get my question cards!"

He graciously, and dramatically, accepted his cards from Onestar.

He threw his head back, cleared his throat, and read out loud in a voice that even made Morgan Freeman stop whatever astrology show he was filming to listen:

_If u could have any other name, what would it be?_

_-Amberfoot7_

"Well," the smexy tomcat hummed. "My name is absolutely perfect in every way. I would never change it. However, if I had to change it so it would be at a peasant's level of ordinarity, then my name would be Goldenstorm or Blueblizzard."

He pulled out the next card and read it:

_Oh yeah, and what has become of your ability to make she-cats fire kit lazers?_

_-Reedflight22_

"Simple!" He exclaimed. "After I decided I wanted a mate- a permanent mate- I was able to control the immediate pregnancies because I've settled down and will solely raise these kits with Foxleap." He ran a blue paw over the shining eggs his wife held.

"That's all the questions," Darkstripe informed them. "Last questions are for the Cat upstairs."

"Ooooh," all the cats widened their eyes and looked up.

* * *

**Sivillian**

Oh? A question for me? Why thank you, Darkstripe! Who is it from? Let's see!

_Why hasn't Handsomehandsome/Lakeslasher become Handsomestar yet? And why is Graystripe Gaystripe?_

_-Reedflight22_

Well, StarClan has a different fate for Handsomehandsome and becoming leader must wait!

I decided to make Graystipe into Gaystripe because when I introduced Stargleam, er, Gleamstar she recited some of my favorite lines of all from her story which was "Are you molestraeping me?!" (Which was said to Blackstar, but now Brackenfur) and "Will u be my mat?" (Which Graystipe had said to her, but his name was repeatedly spelled wrong like Gaystripe).

Plus, I've always thought of Graystipe as a yaoi-shipped cat anyway. I must think Gaystripe makes the story funnier! GrayXBirch is legit to me! xD

_What are the kits' names going to be?_

_\- Sivillian_

Well, Sivillian, I have a good idea of a few mary-sue/gary-stu names that could be their names. For example, Lightningkit, Rainbowkit, Vicekit and Virtuekit, and others.

After Lakeslasher's quest is over and he has fulfilled his prophecy, we will definetly find out all about these kits when they hatch. Get your votes in on my page before time is up! You can also shoot me a PM or a leave a review of a list of possible names.

_Why the Icecloud ice sculpture?_

_\- Sivillian_

Pffft, I thought maybe I could get some advertisement for Ravenpaw's Café somewhere in here! So, go check out Icecloud's workplace and while you're at it go visit Cooking with Leopardstar!

No cats were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Next chapter coming to webpages near you!


	39. Twunny-One

Chapter 39 of a dark-themed story

* * *

Lakeslasher dashed towards the ShadowClan territory with speed faster than a bolt of lightning.

He ran past a shrub and heard something peculiar. He skidded to a stop and walked towards it to investigate.

"What's nine plus ten?" A squeaky voice said.

"Twunny-one," another voice replied.

Lakeslasher ripped the bush out with a swift claw. Havenpaw and Copperpaw squealed in fright as the tom destroyed their cover. They dropped their CatPhone5s and bolted past him.

"Come on, Havenpaw!" The copper-colored she-cat yowled. "We must warn Lionblaze and Leafpool!"

"Save yourself, Copperpaw!" The other young RiverClanner mewled. "I can't go any further."

Lakeslasher rolled his handsome cyan eyes. He had his purple paw on the ends of their tails. They were running away, but they were getting nowhere.

He flipped them over on their backs. He bared his pearly white fangs and snarled. "Take me to your leaders. Now!"

"Okay, just don't hurt us!" Copperpaw nodded hastily.

He let them up. Cautiously, and slowly, the two she-cats padded towards ShadowClan territory with the rogue trailing behind them.

"He looks familiar," Copperpaw hissed under her breath to Havenpaw. "I was in love once, and this rogue looks kind of like that cat I loved."

"He is handsome," Havenpaw nodded.

They crossed the RiverClan border and entered the needle-covered territory. Lakeslasher remembered vaguely being in ShadowClan territory once before.

Suddenly an ambush leapt out from the trees and landed on the three cats.

Lakeslasher narrowed his eyes at the cat who pinned him down.

"Lionblaze," he snarled.

"Who are you?" The amber tom growled, not recognizing him.

"My name's Jeff," he replied. "But you can call me Lakeslasher."

"Shut up," Lionblaze hissed. His amber eyes narrowed at him suspiciously.

Rowanstar and Ferretclaw had pinned down the two apprentices but let them up.

Copperpaw shook her pelt. "Look, Lionblaze! We captured this rogue for you! He was going to try and stop us."

Rowanstar padded over to the rogue who was held down by Lionblaze.

"He looks familiar," she meowed.

"Are you all stupid?" Lionblaze roared angrily.

He kicked Lakeslasher in the side.

"This is Handsomehandsome!" He howled.

He kicked him again, this time in the head. Handsomehandsome cringed in pain. Then his disguise faded away. The orange fur brightened to gold and the purple points lightened into blur once more.

The ShadowClan cats gasped! All of them gasped! Gasp!

"!" Rowanstar squealed. Her eyes turned big. "#*+(\/)"

Before Handsomehandsome could react, Lionblaze threw him in jail which was deep underground beneath ShadowClan territory.

"Let me out!" The handsome tom demanded. He gripped the jail bars in his claws. "StarClan has chosen me to rid the Clans of you traitors!"

"Shut up, mouse-brain," Lionblaze scratched his face threw the bars.

Handsomehandsome glared at his former mentor.

Lionblaze beckoned for the jail warden. Firestar padded over.

"This is hungry work," Lionblaze said to the ginger tom.

"Dinner's upstairs," Firestar nodded.

The two toms laughed at the prisoner and padded back upstairs.

"Hey," A voice mewed from the dark corner of the cell.

"Tawnypelt?" The tom turned around searched for the cat. He blinked his eyes.

His cyan eyes turned on like a flashlight. He lit up the cell with a blue light and he was able to see the other cat.

"Handsomehandsome," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Tawnypelt handed him a small device.

A bomb.

"Tawnypelt, what is this?"

The she-cat bit her lip. "Press the red button and it will explode. You must destroy ShadowClan."

"No," Handsomehandsome shook his head.

He held the dangerous device in his paws. He stared at it.

"StarClan told me to clean the forest of its scars, but I can't detonate ShadowClan," he said.

Tawnypelt sighed. "You'll never beat Lionblaze."

"This isn't the way to fulfill the prophecy."

Then a cat cloaked in a black drape passed through the jail block. His shadow blew out the flaming torches on the walls. It was dark except for Handsomehandsome's eyes and the blinking light on the small bomb.

A pair of amber eyes stared into the cell. "Tell me your sins while I sharpen my claws." He said ominously.

"Dustpelt?" Tawnypelt mewed.

Handsomehandsome knew that Dustpelt was exiled long ago. He was Foxleap's father.

"Greetings, Handsomehandsome, Tawnypelt," He meowed into the darkness. "All of the traitors are upstairs. You can kill them now and fulfill your destiny."

"No!" Handsomehandsome growled. "I can't kill them!"

"Do it for Foxleap!" Dustpelt growled. "Lionblaze, Leafpool, and Firestar are going to seek revenge on ThunderClan!"

"How do I know you're not a traitor too? You're one of the banished warriors!" Handsomehandsome growled.

*Cliff Hanger*


	40. The End

**Chapter 40 of a story that must come to an End**

* * *

Handsomehandsome had a decision to make. In one paw were the lives of the ShadowClan cats and the ThunderClan traitors. In the other paw was a bomb.

"Tawnypelt," he turned to the old queen. "Why did they throw you in jail?"

"I rebelled against Lionblaze," she mewed. "I have always been loyal to ShadowClan. The true ShadowClan."

"Are there other innocent cats down here?" He asked.

Tawnypelt shook her head and shrugged her tattered shoulders. "I do not know. After I stood up to Lionblaze I blacked out and woke up here."

Handsomehandsome nodded slowly. His ears swiveled around as he weighed the consequences. The soft plop of water pattered on the ground. It echoed in his ears. His heart beat raced while his mind faded into deep thought.

"I believe there are other innocent cats in the next cell block," Dustpelt said, shaking the tomcat from his musings.

"I still don't know if I trust you," He replied, narrowing his eyes at the dark rogue.

Dustpelt laughed. "I don't blame you, but you do have to trust me."

The tabby whipped out a chain of keys. He unlocked the cell door and pulled it open.

"Thanks," Handsomehandsome murmured as he and Tawnypelt stepped out. "Now, where are the other cats?"

"This way," Dustpelt meowed.

He led them down the cold, unlit hallway. They went through the heavy wooden door and entered the new cell block. They passed by empty cell upon empty cell until they came upon two apprentices huddled under the cot of one of the jail cells. It was Havenpaw and Copperpaw.

Dustpelt unlocked their door and pulled it open. The two young she-cats cringed at the grinding sound of the opening door bars.

"Hello," Tawnypelt mewed softly to them. "You can come out now."

"N-no," Copperpaw shakily shook her head. "You'll just h-hurt us like the oth-others."

"We will do no such thing," Tawnypelt promised. "We're here to help you escape."

"B-but if we get caught they will p-punish us worse than b-before!" The black-and-white apprentice, Havenpaw, mewed feebly.

Handsomehandsome crouched down and gazed at the poor, dank apprentices. Copperpaw didn't even recognize him. They were cold and scared and in pain. He wasn't even angry at them. He only felt guilt. Then he felt anger for the cats that left them like that.

"I promise they won't hurt you again," he told them sincerely. "They won't be able to hurt anyone ever again."

He showed them the small device. Their eyes widened.

"They'll be killed!" Havenpaw squeaked.

"And you'll be killed too if you don't come with us," Handsomehandsome said as Tawnypelt gasped and whacked his head with a forepaw.

"Fine," Copperpaw agreed.

She crawled out from under the bunk and padded out of the cell. Havenpaw followed.

"Good," Tawnypelt nodded to them. "Stay by my side and we'll be alright."

Tawnypelt let the apprentices press against her flank as they waited for Handsomehandsome and Dustpelt to make their next choice.

"I do believe that Whitewater and Snowbird are in the next block. After we free them we can get out of here," Dustpelt looked at all of the cats in turn.

"We need to get out of here before the cats upstairs finish their supper," Handsomehandsome mumbled.

They proceeded to the next cell block and searched for the two she-cats.

"Over here!" A white tail waved through the bars of a jail room. "Quick!"

They dashed over to where the pale queen, Snowbird, stood behind bars.

"Whitewater is sick!" She nodded at the elder who curled up in the corner of the cell.

Dustpelt hastily unlocked the doors and pulled it open. Tawnpelt padded over to Whitewater and inspected the frail she-cat.

"Are we free?" Snowbird asked Handsomehandsome with a low voice.

Suddenly all of the cats turned around. A black tom stood at the entrance of the cell.

"Tryin' to escape are we?" The tom hissed.

"We'll take you out if necessary!" Handsomehandsome growled.

The tom, Smokefoot, laughed. "Hold up now. I'm with you. Lionblaze, Firestar, and Leafpool are using Rowanstar's forces to launch an all-out attack on the Clans. But time's running out."

"Go on without me," Whitewater croaked. "I can't make it out alive. You all leave me."

"Whitewater! Don't say that!" Snowbird and Tawnypelt mewed.

"Smokefoot's right," Dustpelt said, earning a glare from the four young she-cats. "If Whitewater can't make it we have to leave her."

"Go on, go on," the elder mewed. "StarClan is waiting for me."

The elder sighed and rested her head on her paws.

"Whitewater," Tawnypelt meowed. "Whitewater."

"Whitewater?" Snowbird blinked. "Please, don't fall asleep."

"Wake up," Havenpaw urged. She pressed her nose into the old queen's fur. "She's not breathing."

"No!" Snowbird cried. "No! Whitewater!"

Handsomehandsome grabbed onto her shoulder. "Calm down, Snowbird. We have to leave now."

"No!" She wailed. "We can't leave her here! Not in this jail!"

Havenpaw blinked her amber eyes sadly. "She looks like she is sleeping. We should leave her like this. She looks peaceful."

Suddenly the sounds of laughter and slamming doors echoed through the halls. The evil ThunderClan and ShadowClan cats began to pour into the jail blocks.

"We have to go!" Dustpelt hissed.

Smokefoot had to pick up Snowbird and carry her. The escaping cats made their way out the last door and found themselves in the ShadowClan camp.

"The bomb!" Tawnypelt mewed. "Plant the bomb, Handsomehandsome! They're all down there."

"What about Snowbird's kits?" Copperpaw asked with a gasp. "You were pregnant at the last Gathering."

The crying queen shook her head. "They died too."

"I'm sorry," the apprentice frowned.

Handsomehandsome turned towards the cats. He looked each of them in the eye.

"Smokefoot, Snowbird, Havenpaw, Copperpaw, Tawnypelt, Dustpelt," he meowed their names in turn. "Run towards ThunderClan territory as fast you can. I'm setting off the bomb. Go!"

The cats nodded and sped towards ThunderClan. He watched them disappear behind the brush and run farther and farther away.

Handsomehandsome sat back on his haunches and sighed. This was it. This was his destiny. The cool breeze brushed off from the lake and cooled his hot pelt.

Then his life began to beat past his eyes: the warm glow of Squirrelflight's eyes, the proud look of his father Bramblestar during his warrior ceremony, the confessions of love with Foxleap, the birthing of his kits, and the wind in his fur as he carried out his quest.

Finally it would be over. His life was brought into the world by a prophecy, and that same prophecy would take him out. It all led up to this: training with his mentor, battling the traitors of WindClan and RiverClan, and aiding in the escape of the innocent ShadowClan queens.

Why was his heart so empty? He had had a plentiful life of happiness and fortune. Maybe it was the nagging pull from the back of his mind that beckoned back to his origins: StarClan.

"My love goes to Foxleap and my children," he said aloud with round tears swelling up in the corners of his eyes.

He opened the door that led into the underground jail. He decided that the escapees were already far enough away to remain unscathed from the approaching detonation. The handsome golden-blue warrior padded down into the darkness with a single claw prepared to push the red button of the dangerous device held in his paw. He approached the traitorous Clan cats, and they turned around in surprise.

Lionblaze, their leader, snarled at the intruder. He bared his fangs and prepared to command an attack on the loner tom.

Handsomehandsome smiled sadly. "We meet again, Lionblaze," his voice echoed in the darkness.

Then, his claw pushed down on the button.

And there was nothing left.

* * *

This is the end of Handsomehandsome. His story stops here. He was welcomed back to StarClan with open hearts. He reunited with his parents, his true parents, Bramblestar and Squirrelstar. He had fulfilled his destiny. However, he left his mate and his kits back on the earth. From the stars he watched them grow.

The rest of the cats killed in the explosion were sent to the Dark Forest never to be seen again.

ShadowClan was left with a dwindling population. Tawnypelt became the new leader named Tawnystar. Handsomehandsome had recommended her. It was about time. Smokefoot became the new deputy and Snowbird stayed a queen and began to expect his kits. Havenpaw and Copperpaw decided to leave RiverClan and help rebuild the new ShadowClan. Havenpaw was trained by the other medicine cats and she became the newly named Havenheart. Copperpaw became the first new warrior of ShadowClan. She was named Coppertail. Whitewater had chosen the name for Tawnystar to reward her with. For Whitewater, she lived happily forever after in StarClan.

The story of our Gary Stu has ended, but his legacy lives on in the souls of his kits.

Rest in StarClan, Handsomehandsome.

May our warrior ancestors watch over his kits.

May peace regrow in the Clans and nurse ShadowClan back to health.

I pray that your lives are filled with good weather and plump prey.

\- _Sivillian_


	41. Epilogue

**Epilogue (TRRRROOOOLLLLLOLOL)**

* * *

It had been a moon.

A moon since the scars of the forest were killed.

A moon since ShadowClan was destroyed.

A moon since the golden-blue tomcat's prophecy had been fulfilled.

It had been a moon since Handsomehandsome died.

Today Birchstar was organizing hunting patrols. "Rosepetal, take two apprentices out hunting by the lake. Bumblestripe, you and Toadstep hunt by the Sky Oak. Whatever you all catch you must take to Tawnystar in ShadowClan."

Not all of the cats were happy with the tabby's decision. Yet they obeyed his word and helped rebuild the shattered Clan. Even Onestar and Mistystar pitched in to help.

"Jayfeather," the leader meowed to the silver tabby.

"Yes, Birchstar?" He mumbled.

"Will you divide up your medicine stock to bring to Havenheart?" The brown tabby asked as he approached him with a firm expression, though the blind cat wouldn't be able to see it.

Jayfeather nodded with hiss. "I was on my way to do that already."

"Thank you," Birchstar mewed. He turned towards the other warriors. "Cinderheart, Brackenfur, Thornclaw, please go to ShadowClan and help their warriors rebuild the camp."

"Right away!" They nodded before scurrying out of their one stone-cut camp.

Birchstar sighed tiredly and sat back on his haunches. It had been a long moon! It was tough making his warriors help stock up on prey for another Clan. But it had to be done. Handsomehandsome wouldn't have left ShadowClan survivors if he wanted the entire group of cats gone.

The tabby yawned with sound of endless nights. He heaved himself back up on his paws and carried himself to the fresh-kill pile. It was low.

He sighed and with an empty tone he ordered a patrol to hunt for ThunderClan.

Then his deputy padded in through the camp entrance. "Birchstar! News from ShadowClan!" She meowed.

"Yes, Brightheart?" He turned away from the measly prey pile and looked up to his new deputy. When both Ferncloud and Gaystripe had refused the position, it was obvious the one-eyed queen was worthy of the rank. "What's the news?"

"ShadowClan has two new members!" She reported wistfully.

Birchstar's eyes widened. "Really? Who?"

"Two kittypets named Jessie and Benny," she explained. "North of the territory are a group of twoleg nests. These kittypets were recruited by Smokefoot this morning. They look promising."

"I suppose that's good," he nodded. "But I fear that ShadowClan may lose sight of StarClan at this rate."

"I think they'll be just fine," Brightheart purred.

Then she glanced at the prey with her amber eye.

"I already sent a patrol out to hunt for us," Birchstar sighed.

"It's going to be a tough season," she agreed. "I think I'll go out with Cloudtail and see if we can catch something to eat."

The orange-and-white warrior padded back out of camp with Cloudtail. Birchstar groaned and buried his nose in his paws. The Clans were going hungry! It was leafall and leafbare was approaching quickly. Soon ShadowClan would have to fend for themselves, but the tabby leader wasn't sure if his own Clan would make it out until newleaf.

"Rough day?" A soothing voice asked.

"Oh, Gaystripe!" Birchstar sat up and nuzzled his mated.

"Brightheart is right. We'll all be fine," the gray tom reassured him. "In fact, I checked up on Foxleap earlier. His kits might hatch soon."

"I would love to have kits of our own," Birchstar mewed.

Gaystripe purred and twitched his whiskers. "I think Ferncloud might have a kit or two to spare."

"We'll see to it later, but for now let's-"

Suddenly the blind medicine cat burst through the bramble entrance. His pale eyes were swirling. He yowled out to the Clan.

"I've received an omen from StarClan! Tonight our ancestors will travel through the night and bless our new kits!" He announced.

"That must be about Handsomehandsome's kits!" Gaystripe exclaimed.

The red tabby tom looked out from the nursery. "Is that true, Jayfeather?" He asked.

"Perhaps," the silver tom nodded. "Havenheart felt this omen beneath her paws as well. It could be about your kits or maybe even Snowbird's kits. Only time will tell."

Above them in the sky Handsomehandsome watched as Jayfeather announced his omen. Bluestar looked down at the camp contently. She had sent the new omen to the medicine cats without telling the other StarClan cats.

"Is there a prophecy?" Handsomehandsome asked her as he gazed upon Foxleap who rasped his tongue over the shells of their eggs. "Is there a prophecy about our kits?"

"No, there is no prophecy," she replied. "Just destiny."

* * *

_A/N: It is officially over. Look out for the sequel!_

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_Just kidding._

_**TROLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOL!**_

_**But seriously. The sequel is titled Tom 2: The Star of Valor**_


End file.
